Today's Love Tip
When you feel like your relationship is on the rocks, the last thing you want to do is create tension about going to couples' therapy with your partner. So if you believe that talking to a professional may be in your relationship's best... Read More
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Passionate Sex: How to Overcome Boredom in the Bedroom

By Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.

Q: I love my husband, but somewhere along the line we've become more like friends than lovers. We had an amazing sex life early in our relationship but now we're lucky if we have sex once a month, and when we do it's pretty unremarkable. I really enjoy sex and I'd like to make it a regular part of our life again. Any suggestions?

A: First of all, you need to take solace in the fact that you're not alone with this problem. Most couples in long-term relationships note a marked reduction in the quantity and quality of sex as the years progress. When you're wrapped up in the heady euphoria of a new relationship, it's hard to imagine that the grinding reality of daily life can ever dampen sexual desire, but, voila! Here you are, years later, juggling kids and a mortgage and a new career, and sex just isn't a priority. And the first step in rejuvenating a lackluster sex life is the awareness of this natural ebb and flow.

Providing there aren't medical reasons for your dwindling sex life (if you're not sure, have a doctor check you out), there are some simple ideas you can incorporate into your life now that can help you and your partner resuscitate your sexual desire:

1. Prioritize sex.

Both partners need to make a commitment to nurture the physical aspect of the relationship. It's a big step to acknowledge that you've been neglecting passion. But once you do, you can begin having the discussions that will get you thinking about sex and eventually bumping it up on your list of priorities. There is no shame in saying, "Hey, we got caught up in life and left something behind that we really miss. Let's agree to openly and honestly work on this together."


2. Plan for sex.

Once you've both agreed to make sex a priority, it's time for some planning. You may be thinking: "Sex should be a spontaneous, natural experience. Planning for it will ruin the magic." Not at all! Quite the contrary: many of the most enjoyable, rewarding things we experience in life are things we must plan for. And when couples put effort into creating the time and space they need for physical intimacy, they temporarily take themselves away from the stresses of their hectic lives. This planned-for time and space actually allows spontaneity to flourish.

3. Plan for romance.

A word for some of you men out there (you know who you are): Planning for sex doesn't mean buying a new multivitamin and sprinting into the bedroom for a quickie. The type of sex that fosters a couple's connection occurs within the context of a loving, intimate relationship. When you nurture romance and make your partner feel special, you set the stage for an evening of passion and great sex. Romance doesn't have to be costly or time consuming (of course, it can if you want it to be). A sensual body massage with your partner's favorite lotion can go a long way in setting just the right mood for passionate love making. Pay attention to romance first, and sex will follow.

4. Become playful and provocative.

Couples in long-term relationships need to revisit the art of flirtation. Flirting and teasing are great ways to fan the flames of desire. Have you ever noticed how people in a new relationship excel at teasing? Whether seducing each other at the supermarket or while sitting at a red light, new lovers discover ways to turn each other on in the most ordinary of circumstances. Unbeknownst to them, these couples are actively creating opportunities to flirt and entice each other. Are you ready to enter the game of flirting with your partner?

5. Nurture your sexual attitude.

The art and skill of flirting starts with a particular attitude. The most important part of this attitude involves giving yourself permission to be playful and provocative with your partner. Without permission, you will remain inhibited and lose the freedom necessary to have a fulfilling sex life. Learn to give yourself permission to have fun with your partner.

6. Talk about sex.

Your assumptions about what your partner enjoys sexually might be standing in the way of a great sex life. You're both evolving--your partner's tastes in music, food, and clothes have probably changed over the years, so why do you assume that his/her sexual desires are the same as when you first met? Ask your partner what turns him/her on today. Don't assume you know (even if you believe you know your partner really well). Maybe there is something s/he would like you to try sexually that s/he would find exciting. Information about your partner's sexual desires and fantasies can go a long way in creating an exciting sex life.


7. Become less predictable.

Some couples fall into a rut because their sexual routines have become too predictable. While familiarity is comforting and helps build trust, it can also become a little boring when it comes to sex. Uncertainty and novelty feed excitement and can give your sex life an electrical charge. Experiment together (there are many good books available to help couples work on improving their sex life) and create a shared sense of adventure in the bedroom (or the living room, or the study...)

Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be?

To discover more relationship tips, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter. As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you."

About the Author:

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Passionate Sex: How to Overcome Boredom in the Bedroom


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10 REAL Reasons You're Sick of Sex
If you're sick of sex, you needn't feel alone. At some point in life, it happens to everyone. Why are you tired of sex? The reasons vary, and rest assured, whatever they are, there are ways to recapture or boost your interest in sex. Here are some effective ways to re-light your fire.

1. The exhaustion that accompanies many of life's events can cause a wane in your sexual desire. Whether you're working more hours, have a new baby in the house or have recently moved, it is normal that you are going to feel extra tired or too exhausted to have sex. Perhaps what you crave more is sleep!

To regain the spark, try re-framing how you think when it comes to sex. Rather than seeing it as perhaps one more "chore" to get out of the way, look at it as a wonderful way to relax, recharge your batteries and renew your energy. If you and your partner trade massages, bathe or shower together before getting intimate, play some soothing background music -- the experience of making love will relax and rejuvenate you both.

2. Check the emotional temperature between you and your partner. If the air is full of tension, if unresolved anger and resentment lie between the two of you, sex is not going to appeal to you! Choose a neutral moment when you both have time and are in a relatively good mood to calmly air grievances, communicate unspoken resentments and discuss what can be done to resolve or make peace with the situation.

When done with mutual respect, this kind of communication may be all that is needed to reignite that spark. If things are beyond what you can resolve without help, consider couples counseling for guidance.


3. Chronic illness and medications can drain a person of sexual desire. This is definitely an issue to discuss with your doctor. There are almost always solutions -- so don't wait to bring this up. The more time that passes without sex or the desire for it, the more apt you are to just accept the situation. Why deprive yourself and your partner of the joys of sex if you don't have to?

4. Sometimes, people run into a predictable pattern when they make love. Eventually, the pattern can become a boring rut. Time to shake up the routine if you want to regain your passionate spark for one another. Try new positions, new rooms in which to have sex, a few toys, or a weekend away every couple of months. A change of the how and where and even when you make love can make a positive difference.

5. Distractions can make you feel sick of sex when the real problem is being tired of the interruptions. This can lead to a "why bother" attitude. Turn off the TV, phones, and computers. If you have young children, perhaps grandparents would love to have them for a sleep-over on occasion. If your kids are older, keep a lock and a "do not disturb" sign on your bedroom door. Explain to them every couple's need for some alone time.

6. Too much busyness and not enough alone time can make sex less appealing. If you and your partner feel like strangers who just share an address, create opportunities and time to connect outside the bedroom. Make a kiss and hug several times a day the new rule. Go on a date several times a month. Set aside a chunk of time each day to do something together, even if it is to share the household and yard chores. Communicate and catch up with each other's lives during this time. Sit beside each other on the sofa like you did when the attraction was brand new.


7. Taking each other for granted is a sure libido killer. Have a chat with your partner or just plain set the example. As elementary as this may sound, use good manners. Say please and thank you. Smile often. Do thoughtful and unexpected things on a regular basis. Write your partner a short letter and send it snail mail. Imagine the surprise! If either of you is busier than usual, pick up the slack at home for each other. Take turns!

8. Poor body image can sap your desire for sex. If this describes your partner, offer reassurance that he or she looks good to you. Point out, with honesty, your partner's attributes in personality, talents, and physical assets.

If this describes you, get reacquainted with your own body. You are more than your perceived flaws. Look for your attributes instead. When there are changes either of you want to make in the realm of appearance, be supportive and accepting. Cuddle, hug, kiss, caress, and relearn how to enjoy one another on a deeper level than physical appearance.

9. If your partner is practicing anything but good hygiene, this can definitely make you sick of sex. Bring it up gently, but firmly. Put hygiene in the realm of good health. Clean teeth and skin are healthier teeth and skin. Body odors carry bacteria. Dirty clothes worn routinely are a turn-off to most people. Suggest a shower or a bath together. This form of contact can often lead to intimacy.


10. If you're sick of sex because your partner's ways in bed are awkward, lacking rhythm or even painful, speak up. Don't be afraid to say, "I love this, but that doesn't do anything for me." It is perfectly okay to speak out when you need more time or when you're getting sore from intercourse that drags on too long.

The next time you find yourself thinking that you're so sick of sex, replace those thoughts of memories of the times when sex with your partner was over the top, exciting, revitalizing, and left you wanting more. Rekindle your own sexuality by trying new ways of thinking, new healthy ways of taking care of yourself.

It will be like the first time all over again and again and again.


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Is Online Dating For You?

In the past several years, the dating scene has changed considerably. People are busier, careers sometimes move to the top of our priority list, and dating has had to evolve as a result.

Online dating has transformed the way adults can meet their next date, expanding your options far beyond who you can meet at the local watering hole. Pick-up lines have been replaced with profiles, and the online dating scene has opened up a whole new world of possibilities when it comes to relationships and dating.

Online dating is a more organized, thorough approach to meeting someone. People who sign on to online dating sites usually provide basic information about themselves, such as their name, age and where they live. Pictures and personal tastes, such as favorite types of music and movies, as well as general interests can also usually be added to a user profile.

Some dating websites also allow users to indicate the type of person they are looking for, and in some cases matches can be made for you. Part of the process is deciding which type of online dating site you prefer and which one(s) use a method that works for you.


Some of the most popular online dating sites include:

eHarmony - eHarmony has a compatibility matching system that uses 29 personality variables to determine who you are most suited to. It will only allow you to contact people that the matching system determines you may be highly compatible with.

Match.com - With 15 years of experience, Match.com is ranked as one of the largest dating sites in the world.

Okcupid - This is a free dating site that allows you to contact anyone you like on the system. They can also provide matches for you and also allow users to create and complete fun quizzes to help you meet like-minded singles.

Lavalife - Some users will find a bit of versatility with this site, where members can select from a variety of options that include dating, but allow for other choices such as: relationships, intimate encounters, and so on.

Chemistry.com - Uses research from world-renowned biological anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher, to make predictions about who best matches your chemistry profile.

Advantages to Online Dating

There are a number of advantages to online dating. One of them is that with millions of people participating, you practically have the pick of the litter. Online dating has also become an increasingly popular way of meeting others without resorting to bars or trying to pick someone up in a book store, which means online daters can look for their next date from the comfort of their living room.


Many online dating services also offer special features that will get you that much closer to meeting someone special. With profiles, pre-screening, personality tests, and other functions, you stand a pretty good chance at finding the perfect date or future mate - depending on the service you choose.

Another advantage to online dating is the sense of control it offers. When you set up a profile, you can choose how much information to share. You are also able to specify the type of person you want to meet. Since there is no requirement that you meet anyone in person, you get to decide if you want to give someone your phone number or meet up at a physical location. You can take your time interacting with and getting to know someone online before you make the decision to actually go on a date.

Honesty is an issue that you will have to consider. You are never guaranteed that someone you meet online is being honest. Yet the same can be said for meeting someone face-to-face. Most online communications involve a great deal of frankness. In these discussions you can get right to the point.

This may eliminate many of the emotional risks that are otherwise involved in dating. Plus, if you decide you are no longer interested in communicating with someone, it's much easier to stop responding to them online than awkwardly leave a restaurant or have to wait for a horrible date to end.

There is also a lot of flexibility with online dating. Whenever you want, you can log on and chat, check profiles, or see who has contacted you. No matter what time of the day it is, or what day of the week, the world of online dating is at your fingertips.


Disadvantages to Online Dating

Naturally, there are some disadvantages to online dating. Just as having an opportunity to be really honest can be an advantage; there is the potential that what someone says online is not entirely-or even partially-true.

It is impossible to know if a profile or photo is completely truthful, so there is always some risk involved that the person who shows up to your first date is very different than the person you thought you met online.

You also have no guarantees of what will happen once you meet face-to-face. Online it might seem like you are a perfect fit. However, once you meet in person, if the chemistry isn't there or there are some things about the other person that were never disclosed (physically or otherwise), your date might not end up being the right fit. All the time spent nurturing and building a virtual relationship could come up empty-handed once you actually meet the person.

Another disadvantage is distance - especially if you meet someone who lives far away. While the Internet is great at bringing us closer together, trying to date someone across the country can be extremely difficult, especially with someone you may have never even met in person. Unless, of course, you are ready and willing to possibly begin your life somewhere new.

Finally, there is a cost to joining many online dating services. Most charge some type of fee, such as a monthly membership; however, other sites may charge extra fees for features like messaging, contacting another member or setting up a more advanced profile. It's important to find out what the fees are going to be ahead of time and get a good feel for the online dating service. You don't want to pay for months of service only to find out after a week that this site is just not for you.


There are advantages and disadvantages to online dating, so weigh them carefully before you jump in with both feet. Having a clear understanding of what you are getting into will make the experience more successful. Be realistic about your expectations and what you hope to gain from it. Spending time researching the different online dating services will also help you find the best fit.

In addition to the popular online dating services listed in this article, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of others designed for almost everyone. Some online dating services are set up based on specific hobbies, lifestyles, interests, and relationship types. By doing a little research you can find an online dating site (or several) that offer exactly what you are looking for in a dating service-and a mate!

Life is busy and sometimes it's hard to find the time to get out there and meet someone, particularly if you are sick and tired of the single's bar scene. If you are looking for true love or just a friend, then online dating could be just the answer for you.


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