Moving on after the death of a partner can be extremely difficult for the partner left behind. Dating and even sex after that death can be more complicated. Many widows and widowers are torn between the need to find love again and being unable to close the chapter of their lives that included the deceased partner. Common emotions include guilt, grief, anger and even exhilaration. Worry about the “right” amount of time to wait after the first partner’s death for love and intimacy may be a problem for widows. And being “out of practice” after years of remaining with the same person may be a concern.

One pitfall widows may fall into is expecting the “same” love as they shared with their first partner. It’s important not to compare the two, whether it’s in love or in the bedroom. No two relationships are alike – even the feeling of falling in love may not be the same the second time around. And that’s OK. When it comes to having sex, the partner left behind may have some hurdles to jump before intimacy becomes comfortable and seamless. Between the death and a new relationship, sexual guilt may surround masturbation, which is a completely normal desire that should be embraced. When it comes to a new sexual partner, sexual dysfunction – erectile or vaginal – could be a problem. Counseling is helpful if the problem is chronic, and particularly in older people, seeing a physician can help greatly.