By Denise A. Dilmore

If you have recently found out about your husband’s affair, you know just how devastating affair surviving really is. You may want to ask your husband to attend counselling sessions as you feel they are needed to save your marriage. Think again! Asking your husband to go to counselling is a big mistake.

Although counselling can be a perfect solution for couples who have both agreed to participate, if your husband feels pushed or forced into it, the results will not be favourable.

Over 50% of couples and individuals who seek marriage counselling after an affair reported the counselling seldom worked. If both couples were not 100% committed to the affair surviving help, the cheating spouse entered counselling guarded and with little intent to interact or disclose any deep feelings.

The cheating spouse then often sabotaged the sessions and the end result was the counselling pushed them away rather than saved the marriage.

3 Reasons Why Asking Your Husband To Go To Counselling Is A Big Mistake

Reason #1.

Your husband may feel he is being forced or manipulated into a solution. If your husband is not 100% committed to rebuilding your marriage and surviving the affair, do not try to convince him to attend marriage counselling sessions.

Reason #2.

Your husband may feel you are desperate. You are prepared to do whatever it takes to keep him in the marriage. Unfortunately, human nature leans towards wanting what you can’t have. If you are pushing for a solution to remain in his life and come across like you can’t live without him, this will not attract him but may push him away.

Reason #3

Your husband may feel you want to fix him. Although I’m sure your husband knows he is in the wrong for having an affair, there is still a sense of justification. In his mind his needs were not being met and therefore he looked outside the marriage to fulfill his needs. If he feels you are trying to fix or change him, resentment and distance can develop.

To encourage your husband to join you in affair surviving strategies, whether it be marriage counselling, books or online resources, take control of yourself first. Focus on your own self-care and be willing to take a non-reactive stand and move on with your life. Explain to him that you are getting counselling/advice to change your life. That the marriage hasn’t been what it should be for some time and you need to make positive changes within your life. With or without him.

Focusing on your own affair surviving strategies and self-care is the key to engaging your husband to participate whole heartedly in rebuilding your marriage. Once you are both committed to saving your relationship, it’s just a matter of time before your marriage will be loving and stronger than ever before.

About The Author

Denise A. Dilmore is the editor of www.howtosurviveanaffair.ca an article based website exploring the healing process of “AFFAIR SURVIVING”.

If you have participated in marriage counselling sessions and they have not worked, or if counselling sessions are beyond your budget and you are seeking a way to engage your husband in rebuilding your marriage, get our free 7-part program. Visit www.marriage-after-infidelity.info for instant access to your Free Program.