Children…Money problems…Boring sex life… 

These are just three of the reasons why women would expect their men to stray. In reality, a relationship doesn’t have to be on the rocks for a man to step out on his insignificant other. Or vice versa. While lack of sex might seem to be the frontrunner in excuses for infidelity, it actually isn’t the most common cause. Do you have a cheating spouse? Check out the following signs he’s stepping out. 

Why He Cheats 

Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, author of The Truth About Cheating, surveyed 200 men to find the real reasons why men cheat. He found that as few as 8 percent of them listed sexual dissatisfaction as the main reason for cheating on their wives. They may feel guilty, but that does not stop them from participating in the infidelity. “Men are good at compartmentalizing feelings,” Neuman explains. “They can hold on to their emotions and deal with them later.” 

Just like women, men are driven by several factors in their relationships. Men desire: 

• love;
• attachment;
• sex;
• a sense of security;
• support; and
• a strong physical relationship. 

Men who are lacking in one of these areas may turn elsewhere to fulfill the void. Some men actually cheat in order not to ruin their marriages, but to try to fix them. They might prefer to avoid conflict and are not likely to discuss marital issues or needs with their wives. Instead, they may fill the emptiness elsewhere in order to preserve the marriage and avoid having deep conversations about their issues. 

Ironically, a Rutgers University study found that 56 percent of cheating men say they are happy at home with their wives. So even if you think you are in the clear because you have a strong relationship and don’t have problems in the bedroom, it’s no guarantee that your husband won’t cheat. 

Signs That He’s Cheating 

Watch his behavior and look for clues. It’s not so much odd behavior that you’re looking for, as something that is out of character for him in particular. Has he changed his routine, like leaving for work earlier or later? Has he changed his appearance in significant ways like undertaking a serious exercise regimen or coming home with new clothes frequently? Was he previously careless about where he left his phone but now won’t let it out of his sight — even in the bathroom or when you’re using it to listen to music in the car and he needs to run into the gas station for something? These could all be warning signs that he’s cheating. 

According to an Albright College study, another clue is that people alter their tone of voice when talking with a lover, as opposed to talking to family and friends. When researchers monitored the phone calls of 24 participants, they found that men used a higher pitch when talking to someone with whom they had a romantic relationship. They use a more pleasant and sexy voice while talking to that person on the phone. As a wife, you can tune in to how your husband talks to other women. Does he show signs of flirtation and raise his voice pitch when talking to a coworker or female acquaintance? 

Monitoring the Women in His Life 

Be aware of the women in your husband’s life. The ones who often end up as the “other woman” are the ones who they hold closest. We’re talking about neighbors, coworkers, trainers and regular customers at their places of work. Intimacy expert Mary Jo Rapini said, “A lot of women think that all cheating women are floozies — not true. The relationships are usually friendships first.” In fact, more than 60 percent of affairs start at work, according to Woman’s Day, citing Focus on the Family. 

The other woman is not likely someone he met by chance one night and took her straight to bed. She is more likely to be a coworker. “Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him and compliments his efforts,” Neuman says. “That’s another reason why it’s so critical that he feel valued at home.”

Take notice if he starts talking about a coworker frequently or reacts strangely when you suggest meeting him for lunch. Unless his job is excessively strict about all matters, he should not avoid PDA when you visit him for lunch. Be wary if he stiff-arms you into a hug when you go in for a kiss in front of his coworkers. 

Just because you’re still getting busy in the bedroom doesn’t necessarily mean he’s faithful. In fact, he may want more sex than usual. Having an affair lights a fire and ignites his passion all over again. He may feel more secure about having sex with his wife or girlfriend, so you may notice him suddenly wanting sex more often than before. 

Admitting That He’s Having an Affair 

So you have a cheating spouse? Deep down, women almost always know when their husbands or boyfriends are cheating on them. Call it intuition if you’d like, but many women are often afraid to admit what they already know. Then the decision becomes how to deal with the infidelity. 

Ultimately, a wife must decide how to confront her husband about his cheating behavior and how she will handle it. Some women refuse to accept the behavior and initiate a divorce, while others agree to work on the relationship, sometimes with the help of a marriage counselor. The first step is having him end the affair. Without this step, there is no reason to work on the marriage. 

 

Regardless of how you wish to proceed if you find out that your husband is cheating, remember that it is not your fault. He made a conscious effort to make the affair happen, and it does not matter if the marriage is good or bad — it is on him if he chooses to cheat. The best line of defense is to have open communication, know the signs and don’t be afraid to admit it when an affair is going on. The sooner you acknowledge and stop the affair, the better chance the marriage may have for recovery.