It can be hard to know what the right thing to say and do is when someone dies. Whether it’s someone you were close to or hardly knew, some etiquette rules for funerals – and interacting with those left behind – should not be ignored. First of all, if you were close to the deceased, no one can really tell you how to act. People’s reactions to grief vary wildly, and just because someone isn’t crying doesn’t mean they’re not hurting. You don’t have to show your emotion outwardly if you don’t want to. Mustering up tears when you don’t feel like crying can just make you more stressed out, so don’t let others dictate how you should behave if you feel numb, angry or anything else. If you attend events in honor of the deceased, such as a memorial, visitation or funeral, keep in mind the customs of the family, such as whether covering the head is necessary and the like. When interacting with close friends and family of the deceased, it’s helpful to practice a few words you might say to them as they receive mourners. Perhaps an admiring comment about the deceased’s personality or simply an expression of sorrow for their loss would do. You probably won’t have much time at this function to talk to the family, so save any anecdotes or appropriate stories about the deceased for after the funeral. You’ll want to maintain a somber demeanor, speaking in low tones and excusing yourself if you get too upset. Shedding a few tears is fine, but anything more might upset other mourners. After the funeral, people might gather for refreshments, at which it is appropriate to share memories, laugh and generally celebrate the deceased’s life. Allow immediate family a place to sit and serve themselves first, and perhaps keep tissues or a handkerchief on hand. Afterward, offer condolences once again in a sympathy card and follow up with a call a few weeks later to see if the family needs anything, such as a meal or other help around the house.