Today's Love Tip
Most women fantasize about someone other than their partner - with movies like Magic Mike out there, it's totally normal! Daydreaming or pretending your partner is someone else during sex is pretty par for the course when you're in a... Read More
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Passionate Sex: How to Overcome Boredom in the Bedroom

By Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.

Q: I love my husband, but somewhere along the line we've become more like friends than lovers. We had an amazing sex life early in our relationship but now we're lucky if we have sex once a month, and when we do it's pretty unremarkable. I really enjoy sex and I'd like to make it a regular part of our life again. Any suggestions?

A: First of all, you need to take solace in the fact that you're not alone with this problem. Most couples in long-term relationships note a marked reduction in the quantity and quality of sex as the years progress. When you're wrapped up in the heady euphoria of a new relationship, it's hard to imagine that the grinding reality of daily life can ever dampen sexual desire, but, voila! Here you are, years later, juggling kids and a mortgage and a new career, and sex just isn't a priority. And the first step in rejuvenating a lackluster sex life is the awareness of this natural ebb and flow.

Providing there aren't medical reasons for your dwindling sex life (if you're not sure, have a doctor check you out), there are some simple ideas you can incorporate into your life now that can help you and your partner resuscitate your sexual desire:

1. Prioritize sex.

Both partners need to make a commitment to nurture the physical aspect of the relationship. It's a big step to acknowledge that you've been neglecting passion. But once you do, you can begin having the discussions that will get you thinking about sex and eventually bumping it up on your list of priorities. There is no shame in saying, "Hey, we got caught up in life and left something behind that we really miss. Let's agree to openly and honestly work on this together."


2. Plan for sex.

Once you've both agreed to make sex a priority, it's time for some planning. You may be thinking: "Sex should be a spontaneous, natural experience. Planning for it will ruin the magic." Not at all! Quite the contrary: many of the most enjoyable, rewarding things we experience in life are things we must plan for. And when couples put effort into creating the time and space they need for physical intimacy, they temporarily take themselves away from the stresses of their hectic lives. This planned-for time and space actually allows spontaneity to flourish.

3. Plan for romance.

A word for some of you men out there (you know who you are): Planning for sex doesn't mean buying a new multivitamin and sprinting into the bedroom for a quickie. The type of sex that fosters a couple's connection occurs within the context of a loving, intimate relationship. When you nurture romance and make your partner feel special, you set the stage for an evening of passion and great sex. Romance doesn't have to be costly or time consuming (of course, it can if you want it to be). A sensual body massage with your partner's favorite lotion can go a long way in setting just the right mood for passionate love making. Pay attention to romance first, and sex will follow.

4. Become playful and provocative.

Couples in long-term relationships need to revisit the art of flirtation. Flirting and teasing are great ways to fan the flames of desire. Have you ever noticed how people in a new relationship excel at teasing? Whether seducing each other at the supermarket or while sitting at a red light, new lovers discover ways to turn each other on in the most ordinary of circumstances. Unbeknownst to them, these couples are actively creating opportunities to flirt and entice each other. Are you ready to enter the game of flirting with your partner?

5. Nurture your sexual attitude.

The art and skill of flirting starts with a particular attitude. The most important part of this attitude involves giving yourself permission to be playful and provocative with your partner. Without permission, you will remain inhibited and lose the freedom necessary to have a fulfilling sex life. Learn to give yourself permission to have fun with your partner.

6. Talk about sex.

Your assumptions about what your partner enjoys sexually might be standing in the way of a great sex life. You're both evolving--your partner's tastes in music, food, and clothes have probably changed over the years, so why do you assume that his/her sexual desires are the same as when you first met? Ask your partner what turns him/her on today. Don't assume you know (even if you believe you know your partner really well). Maybe there is something s/he would like you to try sexually that s/he would find exciting. Information about your partner's sexual desires and fantasies can go a long way in creating an exciting sex life.


7. Become less predictable.

Some couples fall into a rut because their sexual routines have become too predictable. While familiarity is comforting and helps build trust, it can also become a little boring when it comes to sex. Uncertainty and novelty feed excitement and can give your sex life an electrical charge. Experiment together (there are many good books available to help couples work on improving their sex life) and create a shared sense of adventure in the bedroom (or the living room, or the study...)

Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be?

To discover more relationship tips, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter. As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you."

About the Author:

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Passionate Sex: How to Overcome Boredom in the Bedroom


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When it's OK to Reconcile with Your Ex

Is on-again, off-again the story of your life?

Plenty of couples break up to make up. It's an age-old dilemma that even the best of us face. As romantics, we're often compelled to rekindle that troubled romance and take another shot at love. But is it really okay to reconcile with your ex?

Only you can say for certain what is right or wrong for your situation, but our friendly advice and little nuggets of wisdom will hopefully provide some food for thought during this period of soul searching.

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What caused the breakup?

It's important to think back and try to be objective about what led to the split. Regardless of whether it was mutual and amicable, or if you were the dumper or the dumpee, there is almost always a reason behind the split. Far too often we tend to gloss over the negative and focus entirely on the positive in times like these; the heart wants what it wants, as they say.


Ask yourself the following questions and answer them honestly:
  • How would reconciling affect the nature of the relationship?
  • Would anything change?
  • What made you unhappy when you were together?
  • Who or what was at fault?
  • What was good about the relationship?
  • Did the breakup happen because of a single issue (for example, infidelity)?
  • Was it something trivial (he didn't call when he said he would)?
  • Was it a build-up of things that finally hit a boiling point? {relatedarticles}

When analyzing the pre-breakup relationship, it can be helpful to write down a pros and cons list. Be brutally honest with yourself. Small self-deceptions will only harm you in the long run so save yourself some heartache.


Actions Speak Louder than Words

Oftentimes, getting back together with an ex happens because we expect that person to have a major epiphany and change. Perhaps he has promised to curb his inconsiderate ways. The harsh truth is, we are who we are. Many a breakup has occurred throughout human history because we have tried to change the person with whom we're together. However, it's unlikely you'll ever witness the transformation you've been awaiting.

Idiosyncrasies included, you must accept the individual as he or she is. You can communicate your grievances, and he may even make genuine efforts to acquiesce to your demands in order to be with you. But saying you are going to do something is much different from actually living it. So be wary of promises. Take some time and observe the "change." If his actions revert back to the same old situation, you'll know that his words -- along with his promise -- were empty.

The Heart vs. The Mind

The epic internal dialogue, the subject of countless books and films, what's right: the heart or the head? The song doesn't lie: breaking up is hard to do. While your rational mind may be telling you that it's not worth the emotional rollercoaster ride, the heart wants to put a quick end to the heartache - it says, if it feels good do it.

Usually, the heart is victorious. When you break up all over again, the mind scoffs at the heart's weakness. These two entities don't have to be diametrically opposed. Sometimes they do sync. It's all about striking a balance, and experience dealing with both life forces will arm you with wisdom in the future.


Don't get stuck on the notion that he's "the one;" there are plenty of fish in the sea that are probably just right for you. Getting your heart broken a few times will force you to be more selective about who you let in, while allowing your mind to recognize the red flags as early warning signs not to continue in a bad relationship.

Even when we know it's wrong to get back with an ex, we do it anyway. Why? Sometimes we have to make our own mistakes in order to learn from them. As long as the relationship wasn't abusive in any way, it's okay to give yourself this permission. The point is to grow as a person, take what you can from the experience, and resolve not to walk the same path the next time.

The 5 Stages of Grief

The grieving process doesn't only apply to the death of a loved one. The 5 stages of grief can be used for breakups, too. Identifying where you stand with your grieving can shed some light on whether you're ready to take him back.

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  • Denial - You are in a state of shock. You are trying to avoid the pain of this loss by refusing to accept that the relationship is over.
  • Anger - Once the reality of it sets in, you feel like you have been treated unfairly and may lash out at him or others in your life.
  • Bargaining - You or your former partner might make promises to change - that whatever caused the breakup won't happen again.
  • Depression - The inner turmoil of the breakup, usually consisting of the inability to sleep, eat, or accomplish daily tasks.
  • Acceptance - Moving on with your life and accepting the circumstances of the breakup, even making peace with your role in it.

The Logistics of a Relationship

Some breakups happen because of practicalities. For instance, one person is relocated out of state because of work or school. Additionally, a good relationship can begin too young and a desire to sow one's wild oats and experience what else is out there may emerge.

If you choose to try again, give yourself a time frame. If things aren't working out again, vow to end them after a set amount of time. After all, you could be much happier in a new relationship with someone who is appreciative and actively building a future with you than trying to resuscitate a failed relationship. A relationship should make your life better, not worse.

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Poet Kahlil Gibran once said: "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were." Sometimes we have to take our own roads in life, and if those paths have the chance to meet again, there's nothing wrong with picking up where you left off in your relationship.


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Successful Dating - 6 Resolutions to Ensure Your Dating Success This Year

A new year can mean a new start in many areas of your life. So why not make dating success one of the areas that you work on? If you've been struggling to meet and keep the man of your dreams, then these resolutions can help you to break through those old patterns into a new happy, loving, romantic relationship. If you're ready to find out what successful dating requires, these 6 resolutions will help:{relatedarticles}

Resolve to present yourself as a quality woman who values herself

Some women devalue themselves in a man's eyes by putting themselves down and telling him all their bad points up front. This is not a good sales call and will not get you the guy. Present your positive points in the beginning and don't show the negatives until your relationship is strong enough to cope. This means not spilling your negative emotions, including how badly men have acted towards you in the past. Present yourself as a quality woman who is in control of herself because she doesn't put up with other people's bad treatment or let herself be taken advantage of.


Resolve to let him show you what a catch he is

Don't go mad trying to convince him what a catch you are. If you want to be in control of the new relationship, then let him show you why he is the one for you. Quite often a man will go crazy over a woman when he is not sure whether she is into him, whilst the woman who chases him shows herself as easy prey and not such a good long-term prospect. Let him show you that he is mature, stable and crazy about you before you let yourself get hooked.

{relatedarticles}Resolve to become the centre of your own fulfilling universe

Stop looking for a man to provide all your entertainment and start looking for a source of fulfilment outside of a relationship. That's doesn't mean just keeping yourself busy until the right man comes along, but finding out what really fulfils you and makes you happy. When you enjoy your life with or without a man, you will radiate a magic sense of satisfaction that is very powerful and attractive to a man.


Resolve to stop making it all about you

Do you analyse everything a man does in a relationship and make it all about you? When he pulls away do you wonder what you did wrong and hound him until you find out the score? Early on in relationships, a man is not always going to be available to you and you need to learn to deal with this. Don't take it personally and make it all about you or you will drive yourself crazy. You can't expect to always be his top priority when you've only just met so learn to stay cool when he withdraws and your relationship will survive.{relatedarticles}

Resolve to let him go early if he's not "the one"

When we meet a guy we like, sometimes we want it to work out so badly that we forget to look out for whether he is going to make a suitable partner. We ignore all those signs that are screaming at us that it's not quite right and forge ahead because we are so invested in making it work. Don't push your doubts to one side because you don't want to be on your own. Resolve to check him out first before you fall for him. If you see signs that he's not "the one" then let him go early on and move on.


Resolve to learn how to date successfully

Many women don't even know that they are sabotaging their dating efforts with certain behaviours that just don't work with men. It is difficult to resolve these kinds of errors when you don't even realise that you are making them. If you have a string of failed relationships behind you, or you think that all men are the same, then resolve to learn how to date successfully. You don't have to be single any longer when you know what works in dating and relationships.{relatedarticles}

About The Author

Ensure your dating success! When you understand how easy it is to make a man happy, you will naturally keep him coming back for more. There is a certain type of woman that a man is instinctively attracted to. She knows how to captivate him and communicate with him to draw him close and get him to respond in the ways that she wants. You can learn to be the type of woman that men adore and never want to leave at http://makemyrelationshipfabulous.info . Alternatively, please feel free to visit my website where you will find plenty of tips and advice on successful dating and how to win your man at http://www.datingtorelationshipadvice.com/DatingRelationshipTipsHelp/EarlyRelationshipAdvice.html

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