Living with your husband or partner might seem like you have another child in the house. You nag about dirty laundry left all over, his unkempt appearance and his shoddy parenting skills. It sounds like a sitcom, but many women are not laughing. In fact, a survey done by Parenting magazine found that the majority of moms feel a surprising amount of anger when it comes to their spouses. Moms who have children under the age of 1 seem to be the angriest, and one in 10 moms say their anger is “deep and long-lasting.” The transgressions these dads are committing are not earth-shattering – we’re not talking infidelity, addiction or serious problems. We’re talking about the ways in which dads parent – or don’t – and the ways in which they hear but maybe don’t listen. No mom likes to nag, but many moms get peeved when they have to ask their spouses to do chores around the house that need doing, like ignoring a sink full of dishes on the way to the TV to watch the game. Men are not great at multitasking for many reasons, and this weakness seems a focus of wives’ ire. Why can’t a man watch the game, call a repairman and help little Johnny with homework? Moms can cook, clean and watch the kids, all at once. So how do you overcome the anger? Readjusting and communicating your expectations is one way to start.

Maybe you didn’t lay down any ground rules when you got married, but it’s not too late to make new rules for your marriage and household. Make your partnership more of a 50-50 split. Establish respect for all of the roles that each of you play. Work inside the home is as important and as worthy of time off as work outside the home. Make a list of household duties that you each tackle on a daily and weekly basis. You might find that you’re each surprised at some of the things on the list. Discuss the possibility of shifting or trading the items for a more equal distribution. Having a formalized plan will ideally avoid nagging, another source of family stress. As your husband enters somewhat uncharted territory, whether it’s grocery shopping, feeding the kids or cleaning, understand that there will be a bit of a learning curve. Praise him for trying to do a good job instead of criticizing a job that doesn’t meet your (high) standards. A hug and a kiss go a long way when it comes to encouraging him to keep up the good work.