Women will go to great lengths to improve the texture of their skin and stave off the anti-aging process. So great, in fact, that it seems some will apply the most unconventional – and nastiest — substances under the sun to find the fountain of youth again. We all know that Botox smooths wrinkles…but did you know that its name refers to the botulin bacteria, which causes a fatal food poisoning illness called botulism? Another facial immobilizer that’s slithered its way onto the market is snake venom. When used in controlled amounts, it has a Botox-like effect on wrinkles. There’s a lot of sh*t available to apply to your face, but the best kind is the kind that comes from nightingales. That’s right – the Bird Poop Facial, as it is known at Shizuka Bernstein’s NYC salon, uses nightingale droppings to brighten, soften and nourish skin.

And if you want baby-soft skin, then the best place to get it is from a baby, but only a baby boy will do. That’s because the foreskin collected during circumcision is rich in fibroblastic cells that may stall the aging process. If acne bugs you, then bug it right back with snail slime. The secretion that snails make is rich in proteins that smooth skin and clear blemishes. If hair is your problem, don’t be sheepish. Try Hask Placenta – which is exactly what it sounds like. This hair care line uses the placenta from newborn sheep or pigs to give a protein-rich boost. Some spas use it on faces, too. And if smelling bad makes you want to throw up, then why not apply some whale vomit? Ambergris, which is found in whales’ digestive systems and fecal matter, has a unique, musky scent that many perfumes on the market include. Just a few of the fragrances that are ambergris-rich include Sarah Jessica Parker’s Lovely, Jennifer Lopez Glow and Vera Wang Princess. Kind of makes you want to barf.