When you suspect that your partner or spouse is sneaking around behind your back, whether with another person, with drugs or doing other illicit things, you might be tempted to take a peek at his or her personal items, such as email accounts, social media, snail mail or even digging through the underwear drawer for evidence. Naturally, you're violating your partner's privacy, so you have to weigh the cost of doing so with how anything that you discover will affect you and how potentially getting caught will affect your relationship. Obviously, if you feel the need to snoop, then your partner has created a breach in your trust. Before you snoop, take inventory of the feelings you're having. It's one thing to lose confidence in your partner, but it's entirely another thing if mistrust is coming from a place of insecurity within yourself. Both indicate an unhealthy relationship, but they're also a jumping-off place for tackling your problems and those in your relationship. Bounce some ideas of what you want to do and why off a trusted friend. It helps to get the perspective of someone who isn't involved with the relationship to help you rethink your own ideas.
The next step would be to confront your partner, but if you don't feel like you can communicate calmly and honestly, then take time to collect yourself. Consider the ramifications of what you might find if you do snoop - can you handle the truth? Another question to ask yourself before embarking on your fact-finding mission is what the consequences will be if you get caught and your partner isn't doing anything wrong. If what he or she might be doing will have negative effects on you, your family or your partner - we're talking drug use, sexually transmitted diseases, gambling, etc. -- then it may be in your best interest to risk getting caught. Use your best judgment and snoop wisely.
