At the beginning of a relationship you tend to see only those things that are most endearing. It takes no effort to see only the best in your man. But a funny thing about relationships is that as they grow, the things you once found endearing become downright irritating.
Suddenly all of his bad habits are shining like a bright beacon and you are ready to snuff out the light. But can you really break his bad habits?
Is this really a bad habit?
The first thing you have to ask yourself is if what you are dealing with is really a bad habit or simply an annoyance. If it's not addressed, a bad habit could end up becoming a destructive force in your relationship. But an annoyance is something you can usually learn to live with.
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If you decide that something he does is just pesky, learn to let it go. We all have a way of rubbing someone the wrong way. All you have to do is ask him and I'm sure he will tell you about the things you do that annoy him.
If on the other hand you decide it's a deal breaker, then it's time to address it. How you go about doing this can mean the difference between a broken habit and a broken relationship.
One Habit at a Time
No one likes to be presented with a laundry list of all the things they do wrong. If you are going to deal with this once and for all, do it one habit at a time.
As soon as you start rattling off your list, he will immediately tune you out. Eventually he will move into defense mode. So determine now to tackle just one habit at a time, starting with the worst offense.
When you begin to see progress with one, then move onto the next habit. Approach each one with a desire to help him, not as a way to spotlight all his faults.
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Don't Nag; Ask Questions
Alerting someone to their bad habits can be a sensitive topic. So the way you approach it is important. Determine ahead of time that you won't nag.
Nagging makes the person feel like you are talking down to them. It comes across as demeaning or to some men, like nails across a chalkboard. It will almost always have the opposite effect of what you are trying to accomplish.
It's best to start off by asking indirect questions such as, "Why do you suppose you..." and then fill in the blank with the bad habit. Your question might take him off guard. It could be that he didn't even realize he was doing it.
Or he might not have known that what he was doing was a concern to you. By asking a question, you allow him the opportunity to think about a solution, instead of immediately feeling like he has to defend himself.
However you should also be prepared for denial. Some people just really have no clue they are doing something that has become a bad habit. If he denies it, be ready to give him specific examples.
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If you generalize his bad habits, it will be harder for him to see them as real issues. However, if you have concrete examples of behaviors you think are toxic, then he has a better chance to understand and make concrete changes that you can track.
When you share your examples, don't use it as an opportunity to vent. Talk in a calm and gentle manner. He will be more receptive to what you have to say.
At the same time, you want to express why his bad habit could be destructive to your relationship. If you are going to bring up what could be a sensitive topic, there should be a valid reason for it.
You should be able to clearly explain how it makes you feel. But be careful to not use words such as, "You do this" or "You make me feel," which will immediately put him on defense. Instead say, "I feel" or "It makes me feel."
Help Him Find Solutions
The idea isn't to open his eyes to a bad habit and then leave it at that. Be willing to help him find a solution.
Try to come up with realistic, helpful ideas. Telling someone to just stop doing something isn't a way to provide support and motivation. You should be willing to be part of the solution.
It could be that his bad habit is something he learned as a child. It may take a bit longer to overcome. Or it could be that his bad habit is simply a matter of changing one thing.
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For instance, you may have started to feel more like a maid to your man. He drops his dirty clothes wherever he happens to be standing at the moment. It's a bad habit that you aren't willing to put up with.
A simple solution might be providing a basket or laundry hamper in the room he most often gets undressed. If he doesn't have the tools available to change his habit, don't expect much progress.
Be His Accountability Partner
Once the bad habit has been brought to light, help him be more accountable. Not in a way that you are constantly bringing it up but in gentle reminders.
You should both decide on a reminder that won't be offensive. Using the dirty clothes as an example, instead of shouting, "There you go again, leaving your mess all over for me to clean up!" turn it into something more playful.
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Remember that bad habits don't change overnight. Expect him to slip up and at times even resist. How you react will determine how the situation plays out.
When it comes right down to it, no one can really break someone else's bad habits. If you try to exert your will over another person's life, it usually ends up backfiring. They have to be willing to make the effort, but you can be their biggest cheerleader.
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If you don't know the importance of having protected sex by now, you have probably been living under a rock.
Society has repeatedly driven home the magnitude of safe sex. The message is simple -- if you don't want to end up pregnant or with a sexually transmitted disease, cover up during your intimate encounters. The most effective way to prevent pregnancy or an infection from an STD is abstinence. While refusing sexual contact does eliminate the risks of pregnancy and potential illness, it can also limit the development of a loving relationship.
If you choose to add a sexual component to your life, make sure to examine the wide selection of birth control methods at your disposal. Just as having sexual intercourse involves personal preference, so does picking a contraceptive. Not all types of birth control fit every person's needs. Luckily, there are a number of alternatives out there.
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Contraception for Women
To avoid pregnancy, some women find the birth control pill to be best. There are 2 different types: combined oral contraceptive pills and progestin-only pills.
Each kind of pill operates differently, so it's important to understand how they work. Then you can decide which one suits your lifestyle.
The combined oral contraceptive pill includes two hormones -- estrogen and progestin. These hormones work together to stop ovulation, or the release of an egg, and limit the sperm's movement. Although this pill is a good way to prevent pregnancy, it does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases or HIV. It is recommended that condoms be used in conjunction with these pills.
When prescribed and taken properly, this kind of birth control pill has many benefits; among them are decreasing a woman's risk for ovarian cancer and reducing the chance of benign breast masses. The pill can clear acne and make premenstrual cramps more bearable.
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But with these attractive features come some issues as well. One of the biggest problems with the pill is remembering to take it at the same time each day. If you ingest it a few hours later than your normal schedule, you could be unprotected. This means you run the risk of ovulating and potentially becoming pregnant.
Additionally, the combined birth control pill can cause:
- nausea;
- spotting;
- headaches; and
- depression.
Blood clots are also a risk that can occur from taking this pill, though it is rare. Smokers are 1 risk group who should not take the pill.
The other type of birth control pill is the progestin-only variety. Its greatest advantage is that it does not contain estrogen, so women don't have to worry about suffering from the side effects associated with this hormone. Also, the amount of progestin is less than in the combined version. Therefore, the overall hormone intake is reduced in this form of contraception.
Like the combined pill, the progestin-only type of birth control reduces:
- menstrual cramps;
- headaches; and
- mood swings.
However, an irregular menstrual cycle is a reported problem with this kind of pill. Women also have complained about weight gain or bloating because of regular use of this contraceptive. A healthy diet and exercise can make these side effects much more manageable.
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If possible side effects and the burden of remembering to take a pill every day don't sound very appealing, another option is the cervical cap. Spermicide is placed inside this latex device before it fits into a woman's vagina and onto her cervix. It's designed so that the suction prevents sperm from entering the uterus.
Women who choose this form of contraception should make sure to get a new cap on a yearly basis through a doctor or nurse. This is not an over-the-counter purchase. Besides this, it does offer a lot of flexibility to the user.
Not only is it small and easy to transport, but it also can be inserted up to one hour before sexual intercourse. Also, at the time of its placement, it works continuously for 48 hours straight.
A couple can have sex multiple times, and the cervical cap will still be effective as long as it's left in at least six to eight hours after the last interlude. Although it's constantly at work blocking sperm from entering the uterus, it does not interfere with the pleasure of having sex. In fact, a woman's partner won't know it's there unless he's told.
There are risks, however, to using this kind of contraception. The cap can cause inflammation on the surface of the cervix. If a woman is allergic to latex, irritation could result. But the greatest danger of all is a serious infection called toxic shock syndrome. This can happen if the cervical cap is kept on for more than 48 hours.
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So if you choose this birth control method, be very aware of how long the cap has been in place and make sure to remove it after a suitable amount of time has passed.
A diaphragm is another way a woman can block her cervix from any sperm. Like the cervical cap, it is fitted by a physician and can be inserted several hours in advance without causing any hormonal side effects.
However, this birth control tool does have several risks. Not only is toxic shock syndrome an issue if the diaphragm is left in for too long, but it's been known to cause urinary tract infections.
There is also the chance it could move around during sex, so women who use it should consider sexual positions carefully and check to make sure the diaphragm is still in place.
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Contraception for Men
Women are not the only ones who are responsible for making thoughtful contraception choices. Men also have a role in this process. The most common form of birth control for men is the condom. They're made of polyurethane and are designed to prevent bodily fluids from mixing during sexual intercourse.
In addition to protecting against most STDs and the transmission of HIV, they stop sperm from entering a woman's uterus to block pregnancy. This form of birth control is the best way to prevent any kind of sex-related infection, too.
However, not all STDs are preventable with the use of a condom. Genital herpes and syphilis, for example, are immune to condom use because they can be passed from one person to another through infected skin surfaces. Also, condoms can be ripped or torn by fingers, jewelry or anything sharp, so great care needs to be taken when putting on this product.
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No matter what form of contraception you choose, be sure to understand the risks and benefits before engaging in any sexual activity
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