By Rori Raye, Author of best-selling eBook Have The Relationship You Want and free newsletter
If you think you're just being "friendly" by sending him a flirty text or baking him a birthday cake, you could be getting in the way of the kind of courtship you desire.
When we find ourselves falling for a man, it's normal to start feeling that if we don't show enough interest in him he might get the wrong message and drift away. We want to make sure he knows we like him. So we might do things like:
1. Calling him because you heard or read about something interesting, or because you knew there was a great band playing somewhere, or someone told you about some great event that you want to invite him to.
2. Calling to ask why he hasn't called you.
3. E-mailing him, texting him, Facebooking him, sending him a cute card, dropping by his house, or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact.
4. Asking him how he feels -- especially asking him how he feels about you or the relationship.
5. Inviting him to come and join you, or in any way acting like the social director of the relationship.
At first glance, these actions might seem completely harmless. In fact, you may feel that he'll just see you as being friendly and want to get closer to you. But doing any of these things shifts you into masculine energy and makes you the pursuer in the relationship. When a man feels even a little bit pursued, he'll feel he doesn't have to work so hard to win you over and will immediately drop his efforts.
It's important to understand that the urge to chase him in this manner comes from fear: feeling like we're going to lose him by not letting him know we're interested in him. But nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, whenever you initiate courtship you are sending the message that you might be insecure about losing him, and this will make you appear less attractive to him. He feels smothered and feels an aggressive vibe from you that does nothing to inspire him to want to get closer.
It Pays To Be Patient
I know how frustrating it is to sit back and let a man take the lead. We want a man to know we're interested in him. We want to make it easy for him to ask us out again. We want to seem enthusiastic and easygoing. And often times this means we inadvertently chase him in the ways described above.
It's true that men need validation as much as we do. But there's a difference between letting a man know you like him and actually chasing him. When you chase a man, you don't give him the chance to show you how he really feels about you. And the only way to really be sure of where his heart is at is by creating the space he needs to chase you.
Lure Him, Don't Chase Him
For a man to feel like he wants to get closer to you, he needs to feel good around you. And the way he feels good around you is when he pleases you. As long as you seem happy to see him and tell him how much you enjoy his company, a man will keep coming back for more. Stay in your feminine energy by being receptive and open to his attention. When he sees that you are a woman who is secure in herself and doesn't need to pursue him, he will be encouraged to step up his game so another man doesn't beat him to the chase.
Once you are in a committed relationship with one man, letting him take the lead and continuing to be receptive to him will fuel his passion for you. He will adore you and appreciate you, and you will be able to relax in the knowledge that you are a desirable creature he'd be a fool to take for granted.
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There are specific, effective ways to communicate to a man your interest without chasing him. To learn how to do this so that a man will feel inspired to pursue you, subscribe to Rori's free e-newsletter. You'll discover a completely different way of expressing yourself that will get you a man's full attention and interest.
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Pornography is a topic that often inspires heated discussions. So many people have an opinion about it. Some think of it as a way to get in the mood for a sexual romp with their partner, while others simply dismiss it as smut.
But the one thing that pretty much everyone agrees on is that porn is an industry dominated by and made for men. But what about a woman's cravings? Does female-friendly adult fare even exist?
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The answer is actually quite complicated. That's because women are aroused differently than men. Female desire is complex. Physiological and subjective forces are at work, sometimes even in opposition to each other. Emotional closeness can also stimulate sexual attraction, which adds a new layer to finding porn that satisfies a woman's carnal needs.
But even though the majority of porn is geared to the sexual urges of men, there are a growing number of women who want to watch this kind of entertainment.
In fact, Nielsen/NetRatings reveals that one out of every three porn watchers on the Internet is female. Despite the scarce amount of pornography that's available to satisfy a woman's sexual desires, there is an audience just waiting to be pleased.
Porn Made for Women, by Women
A new era of porn is making its way into the online market and beyond. It features a young man named James Deen, who is making women swoon all over the world. This porn star, who has already appeared in a string of popular adult films, is not your typical X-rated movie king.
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For one thing, he has a geeky, boy-next-door appearance that you don't often find in pornography. But he's appealing to a female audience that's drawn to his normal good looks and down-home charm.
Deen's undeniable fan base shows that even though female sexuality is hard to pinpoint, there is a definite attraction to his nice-guy persona and the apparent emotional connection he shows on screen.
It could be argued that the lack of porn stars more akin to Deen reveals a disconnect between the male honchos who control porn and the women who want erotic stories geared to them. These powerful porn makers seem to think women are turned on by big, beefy guys, when they are really more aroused by a more understated male presence in adult movies.
Pamela Peaks, the producer who discovered Deen and made him into a household name in the porn world, touched on a gold mine. Her female-friendly films have given women sexual entertainment that isn't common in this male-dominated industry.
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Thanks in part to Peaks, now more than ever, there is a new wave of feminist erotica that gives porn a whole other twist. The old clichés of porn are being cast aside for a fresh vision of sex in more artistic portrayals that cater to a female perspective.
Erotica for Women
In general, women find the less-is-more line of thinking more stimulating than a heavy-handed, often hardcore approach when it comes to sexual arousal. Although female sexuality still has its mysterious side, graphic scenes of men having no-holds-barred sexual intercourse with women might not be as gratifying to watch as the suggestion of this inevitable encounter.
So sexy stories, erotic poetry and provocative music may be just the trick to make women feel that delicious, sexual excitement.
However, because women are turned on in a multitude of ways, an understated approach to arousal might not be enough for some individuals. Luckily, there are a number of Web sites that cater to female desires, which you may not have ever heard of until now.
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BeautifulAgony.com is one such site that could get you in the mood without showing a single naked body part. The idea behind it is to show people from the neck up who are masturbating themselves to the ultimate orgasm. These are videos of real men and women from around the world, all shot in the same way.
IShotMyself.com takes female-friendly fare to a whole other place. It's basically a forum for women to post anonymous, nude photos of themselves. No matter what their reason for sharing, the site provides a wide variety of women of all shapes, sizes, ethnicities and ages.
If you're looking for photographs that are more erotic in a movie-like style, then LeChagrin may be the site for you. It's photos with a classy feel that just might make you feel that tingle of sexual interest yourself.
Babeland.com also offers some erotic resources you can check out anytime. Not only does it have an intriguing guide to direct interested women to good porn, but it also provides its own sex products.
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Every Woman Is Different
The most fascinating aspect of female sexuality is that there is no one size fits all. Every woman has different sexual desires, which means that not all styles of porn will elicit the same reaction.
Some women are turned on by passionate kissing or gay sex or an emotional sexcapade with a wholesome-looking guy who could live next door. It all depends on the woman and what kind of sexual portrayal sets off her hot buttons. A woman's arousal is highly subjective. It's rare that it fits into the generic mold that's peddled for the overall consumer in the mainstream market.
The fact that female-friendly adult fare can't fit into a nice, neat category is both an attractive challenge and extremely frustrating at the same time. However, its diversity means there's a great potential to make and sell a wide variety of female-driven porn throughout the world.
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This is a virtually untapped reservoir that could translate into millions, even billions, of dollars while also giving women a sexual outlet that may just lead to an ecstasy that's never been experienced before.
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There's nothing like a night of chick-flicks with your girlfriends but watching movies with your man can be a completely different story. Instead of suffering through another slasher or action film, try these picks that will put you both in a romantic mood and can satisfy your need for sap and his need for masculinity.
High Fidelity - After John Cusak's character is dumped, he spends the rest of the movie contacting his ex-girlfriends to figure out where he's gone wrong. From the awkward to the hilarious and tragic, they all bring him back to where he belongs. Aside from a sweet and engaging story line the soundtrack has something for everyone and is one of the first big-screen appearances of Jack Black, and what guy doesn't love him?
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The 40-Year-Old Virgin - While this may come to mind as a comedy at first, there is an underlying love story that shows the beauty of innocence and new love. Any male will love this movie as it's stocked with the usual sex jokes and unrefined humor of Judd Apatow movies, but there is enough of a romantic storyline to keep you interested - even if you snort-laugh along the way.
Groundhog Day - The Bill Murray classic is a funny and heartfelt take on the rom-com with an interesting storyline that hasn't been replicated. You'll be quoting Murray's witty quips for days after this one.
The Princess Bride - A cult classic that should belong in anyone's movie collection. This eccentric medieval fantasy flick is a lighthearted and heroic love adventure that both guys and girls will love and have fun remembering the times they've watched it growing up.
Forrest Gump - Along with being a story of romance, this epic spans action, comedy, and drama; however, the heart of the story lies in Forrest's undying love for his Jenny, which will make you tear up and believe in the earnest power of love all over again.{relatedarticles}
Bridget Jones's Diary - A refreshing take on the female role in the romantic comedy. Bridget Jones smokes, drinks, and curses, which is sure to appeal to your man, and every girl melts when Colin Firth's Mark Darcy utters the line "I like you just as you are."
Just Friends - A classic tale of reunited childhood sweethearts with a comedic twist. Everyone can relate to coming home for holidays and running into exes, but this one capitalizes on the humor of the situation while giving you hope that your unrequited love may still have a chance.
Titanic - Whether or not your guy digs the story of star-crossed lovers, Jack and Rose, he'll certainly appreciate the magnificent sweeping shots of the ship and when Kate Winslet infamously poses for her portrait.
Pretty Woman - The prostitute with a heart of gold, Julia Roberts, seduces businessman Richard Gere in an unlikely Cinderella story. Part comedy, part passion with classic 80s styling - this is one you'll both enjoy.
Legends of the Fall - Get your tissues out for this tearjerker. Brad Pitt and Anthony Hopkins carry this tragic story about not only love but family in a time of war.{relatedarticles}
Pearl Harbor - This has war scenes and planes for him and a love story and hunky dudes for you. If your dude is a history buff, he'll also enjoy the movie's historically accurate take on the events that led up to Pearl Harbor.
Love Actually - This British rom-com will keep your attention with an ever-changing and intertwined storyline that's both humorous and heartfelt. It can also double as a holiday movie to watch while you get cozy by the Christmas tree.
50 First Dates - Most guys love Adam Sandler and this movie can indulge their taste for boyish and silly humor while pleasing you with a cute but campy tale of a loveable Drew Barrymore.
Hitch - Will Smith and Kevin James' hilarious adventure in learning to be a ladies man provides side-splitting moments along with sentimental ones.
He's Just Not That Into You - Based on a book written for women by a man - how could your guy not love it? This comedic and realistic advice movie is sure to be a winner for movie night.
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When Harry Met Sally - An 80s classic that takes on the questions "Can a man and woman ever be just friends?" You'll be on the edge of your seat waiting the whole movie when the "will they or won't they?" tension finally comes to an end. The adorable love stories in-between scenes are sure to steal your heart as well.
Shakespeare in Love - A smoldering and passionate story with an all-star cast of Gwyneth Paltrow, Judi Dench, and Ben Affleck, this classic tale of love, loss, and tragedy will not disappoint.
Something's Gotta Give - Your guy will love a classic, cool, and crazy Jack Nicholson while the ladies will swoon over the always romantic and endearing, Diane Keaton.
Never Been Kissed - Enjoy the awkwardness and pain of reliving high school crushes and prom all-over again with another winning Drew Barrymore feature.
The Wedding Singer - Another Sandler and Barrymore team-up that's as funny as it is sweet and you'll be dancing in your seat with the great and upbeat 80s soundtrack.
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Atonement - This book adaption is a beautiful but tragic film about an ill-fated relationship during the pre-WWI era. You'll be left wanting more from this sad but soulful encounter acted out wonderfully by James McAvoy and Keira Knightley.
Romeo and Juliet - This updated and modern version starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes keeps with the heartfelt sentiment of the original play but switches things up with a fast-paced, colorful rendition complete with a contemporary soundtrack.
10 Things I Hate About You - The late Heath Ledger stars in this romantic comedy based on the The Taming of the Shrew. This coming of age love story is also bursting with one-liners and silly moments.
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