There are many types of setbacks that can occur in our lives and when an event makes a drastic impact in our partner's life we want to do everything we can to help them through this difficult time.
Setbacks in life can come in many forms:
- financial setbacks;
- career setbacks;
- health setbacks; and
- personal setbacks that can all cause emotional turmoil in our lives.
As a caring and concerned partner, you should be aware of the issues your loved one is going through and be prepared to help them however you can.
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Dealing with a Partner's Financial Setbacks
Whether you're in a relationship with shared assets or have your separate financial identities, a financial setback can impact both partners equally on paper and in person. Events like bankruptcy, business failure, and foreclosure are just a few types of financial setbacks that can distress your partner.
When finances become a burden in your relationship, it's important to understand your own connection to the problem. If your partner is worried about a joint financial issue such as an empty bank account you may need to sit down and talk with them about your mutual spending habits.
For cases where a financial setback is purely on the shoulders of your partner, you can always be there for them.
While you may not be a financial advisor, sometimes all your loved one needs is a sympathetic partner to listen to their concerns. You may also be able to direct them to other resources for professional help with their money problems.
Dealing with a Partner's Career Setbacks
Losing a job can be devastating on a person, especially if it puts them in immediate risk for a financial crisis as well. Job loss can lead to depression, anger, and sometimes even drastic cases of substance abuse and suicide. If unemployment becomes an issue for your partner you'll need to be supportive and sympathetic to avoid a worse case scenario.
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Get involved with your partner's job search. Help them locate job resources and prepare for interviews as they seek new work. Offer to discuss the details of their termination and see if they want to talk about why they think they lost their job. You may be able to help them identify work mistakes they can learn to fix or avoid in future careers.
Dealing with a Partner's Health Setbacks
Personal health can be a very emotional matter when a serious diagnosis is made in your loved one's condition. Serious afflictions such as cancer, terminal illnesses, and permanent disabilities can all impact your partner's physical and mental health.
If your partner is facing a troubling health condition you need to be as supportive as possible. Help them learn about their diagnosis and be involved with their medical team when treatments are discussed. In many cases, just being there with them at the doctor's office can provide great comfort.
You may need to make sacrifices yourself when helping a partner through a health setback, but it's important to keep a positive attitude toward your situation. When an ill patient is surrounded by positivity it's more difficult for them to give in to depression, anger and frustration.
Dealing with a Partner's Personal Setbacks
We undergo many endeavors to better our lives, but there are often setbacks in any kind of self-improvement goal. Some of the most common personal setbacks your partner may face come when they attempt to make a major lifestyle change such as quitting smoking or drinking or losing weight.
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If your partner is giving up drinking or smoking you should do as much as possible to help them avoid temptation. Consider stopping these habits yourself if you also partake in cigarettes or alcohol - this can help your special someone avoid relapsing. If he or she does resume the habit, be careful not to chastise, but rather remind that person of his or her goal and encourage a return to abstinence.
When your partner is focused on improving his health through a weight loss plan, you should support him all the way. This may mean taking up a diet or exercise plan yourself to show that you're willing to go through the process with him.
In the event of a setback in their weight loss plan, help them get right back on track and remind them of how much better they have been looking since they began the weight loss. Positive reinforcement is a great motivator!
General Tips for Helping Your Partner Deal with Any Setback
Setbacks in life are typically accompanied by feelings of depression, hopelessness, anger and frustration. As a loving companion, you want your partner to return to feeling happy and content as soon as possible, which means you need to be attentive to their emotional needs.
One of the key points in helping your partner through any type of setback is to listen. Let them express themselves to you about their fears, worries, and feelings. You may not have the answers, but you have the ability to just be there to listen and let them vent.
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Feelings of worthlessness can be helped by reminding your partner of how special they are to you. Even little things like a loving note on the bathroom mirror or a small gift waiting for them when they return home from work can be a reminder that you love and care for them no matter what.
While you have great power in helping your loved one cope with most setbacks, in some cases it may be necessary for you to bring in additional support.
Gathering friends and family can help remind your partner of all the good you have in your lives and also provide more people for them to turn to for their emotional needs. You should also be prepared to seek professional help for more serious matters when your partner's health or safety is at risk after a life setback.
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No matter what the situation, you are often the best person to help your partner through any sort of life setback. Don't shy away from this responsibility - with enough effort and patience you can work together to find a solution to nearly any problem.
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Been feeling the doldrums in the ol' boudoir? Has the hotness of your bedroom cooled over the years? Take a good look at your bedroom. How does it make you feel? Sometimes we need just a little inspiration to get the juices flowing. Here are six ways to transform your tired sleeping quarters into a den of iniquity.
Tip #1 - Your Bed, the Main Attraction
It's the centerpiece of the bedroom; thus, the main attraction. Your bed should be a welcoming space to sleep as well as seduce. The bed should be placed in the center of the room, with easy access on both sides. Sheets with a thread count ranging from 200 to 600 are soft and breathable.
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While standard cotton sheets are affordably priced, if you can splurge a little, try the smooth and supple fibers of Egyptian or Sea Island cotton. For an added touch of luxury, silk and satin sheets are warm and light on the skin. Beware of too many decorative pillows, which tend to interrupt the fluidity of bedroom action.
Whether your preference lies with bold or muted tones, selecting a color scheme largely depends on your emotions. From dark and daring reds, dreamy and pensive blues, to softer hues of cream and tan, the palette should appeal to the sexier side of you.
Tip #2 - Drapery, the Private Sanctuary
Nothing is going to kill the romantic mood faster than a pair of ogling neighbors (unless you're into that). A sense of privacy is crucial to cultivating a sexy space, so investing in a good set of window treatments will certainly pay off.
Curtains lined with blackout fabric will block out the light completely and reduce street noise, and as an added bonus, they're energy efficient. Alternatively, layered treatments like venetian blinds covered with sheers and topped with floor-to-ceiling curtains will allow you to let in some daylight without sacrificing seclusion. Maintain the overall vision of your bedroom as a whole by matching the drapes to the bedding and decor.
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Tip #3 - Lighting, the Mood Setter
While candlelight is perhaps the most popular mode of creating romantic ambiance, relying on it entirely for your lighting needs may kill the spontaneity of the moment. Never depend solely on overhead lighting; it is not flattering and will give your bedroom an institutionalized feel.
Using indirect light from at least three different sources - like floor lamps, wall sconces, and bedside table lamps - will provide some options on the amount of luminance emitted as well as the placement of light sources in the room. Equipping each light with a dimmer gives added control over the softness of the light. When purchasing light bulbs, keep the wattage at 60 or lower and the color temperature around 3000K for a warmer hue.
Tip #4 - A Naughty Drawer, the Inspirer
A bedside drawer filled with all the accoutrements for sexy time is both practical and fun. Keeping these accessories within arm's reach certainly will not disturb the momentum. Visit your local sex shop for all sorts of erotic inspirations, like sensual lotions, arousal gels, massage oils, flavored lubricants and aphrodisiacs.
Erotic games like edible candy g-strings, handcuffs, French ticklers and body paint kits may just give the stimulation you were hoping for. Don't forget about sexy clothing and lingerie!
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Tip #5 - Cleanliness, the Enticement
Clean your room! Really, there's nothing sexy about dirty sheets, stinky socks or dust bunnies in the corner. A clean bedroom is an enticing room, so make sure you have done a thorough cleansing of all surfaces for dust, removed the laundry hamper from sight, and rid the space of distracting and useless clutter. If you have pets or children, keep them out.
Clear away anything that reminds you of your duties and obligations (work papers, electricity bills, textbooks, etc.) and only keep things that add to the beauty of the room. Also consider placing family photos outside the bedroom. Expelling the television from the room is a good idea. At the very least, hide it from view and firmly keep it in the "off" position. The same goes for cell phones and computers.
Clear away anything overtly girly - like teddy bears, an abundance of pink things, and so on - and try to create a balance between masculine and feminine sensibilities.
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Tip #6 - Extras, Making it Personal
Above all else, your bedroom should reflect who you are. By adding your own personal touches, you can create a space that you love to be in, feel sexy in and is sultry enough to share with another:
- place your favorite flowers in a vase;
- bring in some sensual foods like strawberries, chocolate pudding, almonds or whipped cream;
- light some candles scented with lavender or vanilla;
- put up some erotic artwork or make your own;
- a well-placed mirror or two can really heighten the experience;
- serve up some wine to lower inhibitions;
- playing some seductive music will certainly set the mood, and it will provide a bit of a sound buffer, so create a large playlist ahead of time. Use Pandora or iTunes' Genius for song suggestions based on your tastes;
- install a lock on the door if there is any chance of being interrupted by unwanted guests;
- purchasing an extra sofa or chair can add to the possibilities; and
- keep cozy blankets nearby for the colder months and a fan for warmer days.
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Love hurts.
You finally find someone you thought was "Mr. or Ms. Right," only to learn they were all wrong. It just doesn't seem fair.
The good news is that time heals all wounds. While it wasn't the most pleasant feeling, it was definitely a learning experience. How can you mend a broken heart? According to grief counselor and breakup expert Susan J. Elliot, the end of a relationship is the same as other grief processes, which means there are phases to the process. The phases of breakup grief include "shock and disbelief," "review and painful relinquishment," and "reorganization, integration and acceptance." How an individual moves through these phases is based on the nature of their break-up as well as the individual's personality.{relatedarticles}
To help you through a break-up, it's important to have a plan of action. These 10 tips will help you ease the pain. It's important to keep in mind that everybody is different and recovers at their own rate.
Tip #1: Face the Pain
The worst thing you can do is turn away from your emotional pain and deny you are hurt. This will bury your feelings making it possible for them to emerge some other time when it isn't appropriate to feel them, for example, when you are in a new relationship.
The best way to face the pain of your broken heart is to think as much as you want to about the relationship, cry as much as you need to and talk to someone who will listen to you. Find a shoulder to cry on whether it's a family member, friend or professional. Processing what happened in the relationship by getting it all out will help make sense of it, so you can accept the reality and move on.
Tip #2: Understand the Relationship
Why didn't the relationship work out? To answer this, think about the relationship and all of the reasons why it just wasn't headed in the direction you or your ex wanted it to go in.
List all of the reasons why the breakup occurred and allow yourself to take it all in. Again, cry over it if you need to. The best part of this exercise is realizing and accepting the flaws in the relationship. As you unearth the major shortcomings, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that your relationship wasn't built to last.{relatedarticles}
Tip #3: List All the Reasons He Wasn't "The One"
No one is perfect, and a breakup is the ideal time to point out all of your ex's imperfections. What really got under your skin about him? What do you want out of someone else? The relationship didn't work out for a reason. Even if you can't find anything wrong with him, the mere fact he wasn't willing to work out the difficulties should be a major strike against him.
Relationships require work from both people, and it is difficult to make love last if one doesn't want to put in the effort to make the other happy.
Tip #4: List Your Awesomeness
Breakups can make you feel like you are a horrible person that no one will ever love again. Good thing this is simply not true.
Think hard about all of the qualities you love about yourself. Think about what your friends and family love about you. Be honest with yourself, not self-conscious. You are a great person, no matter if you make mistakes. You just need to realize it and that will make you feel you are strong enough to repair your broken heart and worthy to allow someone to love you again.{relatedarticles}
Tip #5: Take Care of Yourself
When you are depressed over a breakup, you might start eating and sleeping more or less than you normally do. This can make you feel ill and even more upset over the breakup.
Sleeping the right amount gives you even more energy and helps you process your emotions better. Eating well will help you feel less sluggish and provide you with the energy you need to get moving. Exercise will get your heart pumping and release endorphins that will help you feel better about yourself and the situation.
Tip #6: Think About Your Independence
Was there anything you wanted to do that you couldn't because you were in a relationship? Maybe you wanted to hang out with your friends more, have more time with family or see particular movies your ex didn't like to see. Now is your chance to do whatever you feel like doing with whomever you feel like doing it with, because no one stands in your way.
This is your life now. You are free. While you may prefer to be with your ex, rather than free, you can't deny the release of restraints when you no longer have to take someone else into account.{relatedarticles}
Tip #7: Consider the Future
The future may not seem bright to you right now, but just fantasize a bit about finding someone who is just perfect for you - someone who will come sweep you off your feet and carry you off into the sunset. Imagine a point in your life when you're happier than you have ever been with anyone, including your ex.
Can't seem to release those feelings for your ex because you miss him so much? You don't have to...just allow yourself to create a story in your mind despite the longing you have for your ex. Play around with it and try to have fun. If you find yourself smiling or feeling a bit hopeful for the future, you've succeeded.
Tip #8: Support Others
Sometimes the best way to deal with pain is to lend your support to someone else. It helps you see that your situation may not be as awful as you thought. It also may help you feel less alone when you see someone else going through as much grief as you feel.
Just be careful not to impose your problems on your friend's problems or she won't feel supported. If she comes to you for help first, you should focus on her. If you go to her first, she should help you.{relatedarticles}
Tip #9: Do Something New and Exciting
Living the same old life you were living when you were in a relationship will only remind you of how much you miss your ex and wish he were with you as he used to be. However, if you start engaging in new activities your ex was never part of, you won't miss him as much because it doesn't remind you of him.
Tip #10: Give It Time
Time heals all wounds. While you may want the pain to go away as soon as possible, it just doesn't work that way. You need to let yourself heal and that can take some time. Just hang on for as long as you need to start feeling better about the break-up. You will feel better...it just takes time.
When the Pain Ends
As you start to feel better and more like yourself, start to consider love again. You may be scared of it because you don't ever want to go through this type of pain again, it's important you give it another try. You never know whom you will find next and if that person will be the one you will be with forever.
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