Amuro Wesley
If your spouse is no longer in love with you as when you are dating, do not panic. However bad the situation may be, there is still a way for you to rekindle your relationship and get your spouse to love you again.
The first step is understanding. It is very easy for you to connect losing the feelings of being in love with actually loving each other when it is no longer the case. After their dating days have ended, the couples no longer feel the same excitement and sexual attachment as before. {relatedarticles}
Unlike dating, there are more commitments and responsibilities in marriage. Unlike those you face in school and work, these will be what we need to face for the next 10, 20 or even 30 years down the road and even more so when you have children.
Love is more than just being fond of that person and expressing your feelings for him or her. It is all about caring, sharing and even sacrificing everything you have if the situation requires be it from your spouse, children or both. That includes the things you love and freedom you cherish during your single days.
Every single thing you do be it work, spending money and even hobbies, you need to take their feelings into consideration. Such as telling and discussing with them even though there is a possibility of them not agreeing with you all the time.
It is never easy but this is what love is really all about whether you agree with what I just mentioned or not. If you cannot forsake certain things like playing video games, watching movies and shopping, then marriage and even parenthood is not for you.{relatedarticles}
Even when you have a steady stream of regular and passive income, you still need to set aside some time for your spouse and children. Not once or twice a week but every single day.
Every relationship has 4 stages as in falling in love, honeymoon bliss, disagreements and then being stronger or weaker in marriages.
Just because we find fault with each other, it is very easy for positive feelings to fade. It takes proper undersanding or even dire circumstances - when we are forced to work together - to build our relationship all over again.
Love is a commitment and responsibility. You cannot just express verbally but through actions and sacrifices I already mentioned. Mature couples love each other as a whole and not by looks and circumstances alone.
The next step is to spend quality time talking and listening to your spouse. If you both do not talk, it is very hard to cultivate feelings for each other and for your relationship to grow further.{relatedarticles}
Finally, give in to your spouse without expecting anything in return. This will make you a more mature person in the eyes of your spouse.
Understanding, spending time and accommodating are small things that you should do everyday to build trust, intimacy and love with each other.
About The Author
Read More
We hear so often, "Don't take it personally." What does this really mean? The answer is NOT simple!
Let's say that you are in a great mood, feeling loving and expansive, and someone - either someone close to you or a stranger like a clerk in a store - is withdrawn or attacking.{relatedarticles}
This is when it is important to not take it personally. Their behavior is coming from whatever is going on for them - they are tired, not feeling well, feeling inadequate, angry from a previous interaction, judging themselves, coming from their own fears of rejection or engulfment, and so on. When you take their behavior personally, it is because you want to believe that you have some control over their behavior. You want to believe that if only you were different, they wouldn't treat you badly. This is a huge false belief, as you have no control over what is going on with them, and their behavior has nothing to do with you.
On the other hand, let's say that you are in your ego wounded self, and you are shut down, harsh, attacking, blaming, or people-pleasing. When this is the case, if others are also shut down or attacking, their behavior might be personal to a certain extent. They might be taking your behavior personally and reacting to it from their own ego wounded self.
{relatedarticles}While you are not causing them to react with withdrawal or attack - it is the fact that they are taking your behavior personally that is causing them to react - you are also not innocent in the interaction. So it is always important to notice your own open or closed energy to see whether their behavior is not at all about you, or whether they are being reactive with you.
Another scenario to be aware of is: if you are open and loving and another is closed and harsh, their behavior DOES affect you. Even if you do not take their behavior personally, their unloving behavior can cause some deeper core feelings of loneliness, helplessness, heartache, heartbreak, and sadness. Taking their behavior personally may be a way to cover over these deeper painful feelings, because when you tell yourself that their behavior is your fault, then you might feel anxious, depressed, guilty, or shamed. As bad as these feelings feel, they are actually easier to feel because you are the one causing them by taking their behavior personally.
Likewise, if you are the withdrawn or harsh one, and a person close to you is not taking your behavior personally and are feeling their own core painful feelings caused by your unloving behavior, they may choose not to be with you. They might not want to be with you when you are withdrawn or attacking. In this case, it is important that you DO take their behavior personally and explore what you are doing that is resulting in exactly what you likely don't want - their moving away from you.
{relatedarticles}The bottom line is that if you are being open and loving, then it is important to never take another's behavior personally. If you are operating from your wounded self and are withdrawn or attacking, then you might want to explore your own behavior when others are also withdrawn, attacking, or when they disengage from you because they don't want to be around you.
Your open and loving behavior is NEVER the cause of another's unloving behavior. Your closed, withdrawn or harsh behavior is also not the cause of their closed, withdrawn or harsh behavior, but can be the cause of them not wanting to be with you, and it is important to open to learning about your own withdrawn or harsh behavior.
About The Author
Read More
