By Denise A. Dilmore
If you have recently found out about your husband's affair, you know just how devastating affair surviving really is. You may want to ask your husband to attend counselling sessions as you feel they are needed to save your marriage. Think again! Asking your husband to go to counselling is a big mistake.
Over 50% of couples and individuals who seek marriage counselling after an affair reported the counselling seldom worked. If both couples were not 100% committed to the affair surviving help, the cheating spouse entered counselling guarded and with little intent to interact or disclose any deep feelings.
The cheating spouse then often sabotaged the sessions and the end result was the counselling pushed them away rather than saved the marriage.
3 Reasons Why Asking Your Husband To Go To Counselling Is A Big Mistake
Reason #1.
Your husband may feel he is being forced or manipulated into a solution. If your husband is not 100% committed to rebuilding your marriage and surviving the affair, do not try to convince him to attend marriage counselling sessions.{relatedarticles}
Reason #2.
Your husband may feel you are desperate. You are prepared to do whatever it takes to keep him in the marriage. Unfortunately, human nature leans towards wanting what you can't have. If you are pushing for a solution to remain in his life and come across like you can't live without him, this will not attract him but may push him away.
Reason #3
Your husband may feel you want to fix him. Although I'm sure your husband knows he is in the wrong for having an affair, there is still a sense of justification. In his mind his needs were not being met and therefore he looked outside the marriage to fulfill his needs. If he feels you are trying to fix or change him, resentment and distance can develop.
To encourage your husband to join you in affair surviving strategies, whether it be marriage counselling, books or online resources, take control of yourself first. Focus on your own self-care and be willing to take a non-reactive stand and move on with your life. Explain to him that you are getting counselling/advice to change your life. That the marriage hasn't been what it should be for some time and you need to make positive changes within your life. With or without him.
Focusing on your own affair surviving strategies and self-care is the key to engaging your husband to participate whole heartedly in rebuilding your marriage. Once you are both committed to saving your relationship, it's just a matter of time before your marriage will be loving and stronger than ever before.{relatedarticles}
About The Author
If you have participated in marriage counselling sessions and they have not worked, or if counselling sessions are beyond your budget and you are seeking a way to engage your husband in rebuilding your marriage, get our free 7-part program. Visit www.marriage-after-infidelity.info for instant access to your Free Program.
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Nothing can make a romantic date fizzle faster than a dirty mouth. And we aren't talking about what comes out of it.
In fact, a survey of both men and women showed that the biggest deal-breaker in a relationship is bad breath. That's because sense of smell is key to finding a suitable mate. Nobody wants to kiss a stinky mouth, so here are eight ways to make sure your mouth is always kissable, guaranteeing you'll always get that second date.
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Brush Your Teeth
This should go without saying, but the best way to avoid bad breath is to practice good oral hygiene. Brushing your teeth twice a day is the best way to keep your mouth clean and healthy. But don't just focus on your teeth.
The tongue and palate need cleansing, too. Your mouth is full of plaque that can damage tooth enamel and cause cavities and other dental ailments. For best results, replace your toothbrush every 3-4 months.
However, brushing alone is not enough for your mouth. Flossing daily is also important because it removes food and other debris caught between teeth. Make sure you get between every tooth -- the back ones can be a little tricky -- and rinse afterward.
Good oral hygiene also includes visiting your dentist regularly - twice a year is recommended. Although many people have fears of going to the dentist, regular checkups will keep your teeth polished and help prevent decay and gum disease from occurring.
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Avoid Smelly Foods
Keeping your mouth clean is just one of the ways to make your mouth more kissable.
You also need to keep bad breath at bay. This is easier said than done, though, because there are a variety of things that can cause bad breath, and sometimes brushing your teeth won't help. Foods such as garlic and onions, while taste great, are not recommended on a romantic date where kissing may be involved.
Stay Hydrated
A dry mouth can also cause bad breath. Keep the saliva flowing in your mouth by drinking more liquids, especially water, to freshen your breath naturally. A dry mouth breeds germs, which can cause nasty odors.
If your breath seems to smell bad, no matter how you try to remedy it, it could be halitosis. Halitosis is chronic bad breath, and it can be a sign of a serious health condition. Stomach, liver and kidney problems can wreak havoc on your breath, as can bronchitis and diabetes. See your doctor if the bad breath persists.
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Ditch the Cigarettes and Booze
Quit the bad habits. Smoking and excessive alcohol drinking can make your breath stinky. Nobody wants to kiss a mouth that smells like an ashtray or a liquor cabinet. In addition, cigarettes and alcohol can do a double-whammy on you by discoloring your teeth.
Tobacco can also cause cancer, canker sores, and tooth and bone loss. If you want to end up with yellow teeth, gum problems and bad breath, say goodbye to a second date. Those are definitely 3 characteristics of an unkissable mouth!
Banish Sweets
Change your diet. Besides the onions and garlic, sugar is a major cause of bad breath. Sugar causes teeth to rot, which isn't sexy when you're going in for the kiss. Although candy and sodas are the biggest offenders, many other unlikely foods may have sugar in them, so check food labels carefully.
Even nutritious foods such as fruits and whole grains can have carbohydrates, which may cause bad breath as well. If you do eat sugary or carb-rich foods, try to brush as soon as possible.
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Food with calcium and vitamin C, such as dairy products, citrus fruits and dark leafy vegetables are good for teeth and gums, so try to eat as much of them as possible. Carrots are also good for removing plaque from teeth.
Whiten Up
Besides smelling good, you want your mouth looking good as well. Tobacco, alcohol, coffee and tea all can stain you teeth. Teeth whiteners can make your teeth look bright white again. Teeth whitening kits can be bought at your local drugstore and typically consist of strips or gel placed on your teeth.
There are also toothpastes that contain bleaching ingredients so you can whiten your teeth as you brush. Your dentist can do a professional teeth whitening as well. Although it is the most effective way to whiten your teeth, it is also the most costly, with prices ranging from $300-400.
Exfoliate and Moisturize
Take good care of your lips. Cold weather can cause lips to crack or become chapped. Exfoliate them daily using a wet, warm washcloth to wash your lips gently. Use lip balm before going to bed at night and when you wake up in the morning. Try to avoid licking your lips because it causes more chapping to occur.
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Also avoid using too much lipstick or lip gloss. Although they may make your lips more attractive (and therefore kissable) at first, they can get messy after kissing, and no guy wants glitter or lipstick residue all over his face. Sometimes an all-natural look works wonders.
Drop Sugar and Add Fluoride
Avoid sugary mints. They only make your breath smell fresh temporarily, before the sugar causes germs to set in on your breath. Try chewing gum instead because it increases saliva flow, which freshens breath.
Use fluoride. If fluoride is not in your toothpaste or mouthwash, then drink more water. City water contains fluoride, which reduces cavities. If you only drink well water or bottled water, ask your dentist for supplements.
Now that you have a fresh, clean mouth, go in for the kiss! Lean in close, open your mouth just a little and go for it! A clean and fresh-smelling mouth is a sign of good health. Don't let body odor deter your date from making out with you.
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Although it can be a pain to have to follow so many rules to get a kissable mouth, it will definitely be worth it in the end when your guy keeps coming back for more kisses.
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Sex and romance have been around since the dawn of time, so it is no surprise that our ancestors have written a number of guides on the subject. The Kama Sutra -- perhaps one of the best known books about love and lovemaking -- is an ancient Indian Hindu text that was written sometime between 400 BC and 200 AD. Don't let its age fool you; the Kama Sutra has plenty of tricks and techniques to spice up your modern-day relationship.
Origins of the Kama Sutra
Scholars believe that the Kama Sutra originated from oral stories that were originally passed down from generation to generation in verse form. Eventually, these stories were compiled by Vātsyāyana into a single book. The title comes from Kama, meaning sensual desire or pleasure, and Sutra, which is a short book or collection of verses.
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The Kama Sutra was first translated from ancient Sanskrit into English by Sir Richard Burton in the mid-1800s. This was the height of the Victorian age, so you can imagine the reaction it must have received in England during this time; in fact, Sir Burton's wife burned many of the translations following his death.
Today, there are a number of translations available for readers who are interested in learning more about this ancient practice. While you can purchase the complete book, there are several editions that are focused exclusively on the sexual positions from the original text, along with illustrations.
Myths Regarding the Kama Sutra
Perhaps the biggest myth regarding the Kama Sutra is that the work is entirely about sex and sexual positions; however, this is not the case. While sex does make up a portion of the text, many chapters are devoted to finding a wife, improving physical attraction, making money, and the priorities of life. Only 50 of the 1,250 verses from the Kama Sutra actually address sexual intercourse positions.
Another common myth in the Western World is that the Kama Sutra is a manual for tantric sex. While there are a number of sexual practices related to the tradition of Hindu Tantra, the Kama Sutra does not explain any of the sexual rites associated with this practice.
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Yet another myth is that you have to be a contortionist to enjoy the positions described in the Kama Sutra. This is certainly not the case. While some positions may be more advanced, there are a number of positions and practices, such as embraces, kissing, and marking with nails or bites, that any couple who wants to add some variety to their lovemaking may use.
Kama Sutra on Sexual Compatibility
The Kama Sutra divides men and women into several different categories, based on the size of their genitals, passion levels and endurance during lovemaking. When men and women have similar sizes and desires, theirs is considered to be an equal union; however, those who do not correspond will result in an unequal union.
When it comes to size, men are classified as hares, bulls or horses. Women, on the other hand, are categorized as deer, mares or elephants. The three equal unions based on size are:
|
Men |
Women |
|
Hare |
Deer |
|
Bull |
Mare |
|
Horse |
Elephant |
Sexual desires and carnal instincts also play a role in compatibility. A man who does not like being touched and has a low libido would be a poor match for a woman who feels intense passion while making love and enjoys being touched by her partner both during and after sex. In this case, the following categories are considered equal:
|
Men |
Women |
|
Small |
Small |
|
Middling |
Middling |
|
Intense |
Intense |
Endurance is classified as short-timed, moderate-timed and long-timed. As with the categories above, finding a partner who is your equal is important. All together, there are nine possible unions for partners according to the Kama Sutra.
Foreplay and the Kama Sutra
The goal of the Kama Sutra is to enhance the relationship between partners in order to increase pleasure. Try incorporating some of the Kama Sutra techniques into your foreplay to build up anticipation and drive your partner wild.
The Kama Sutra places a strong emphasis on showing your love for the other person before entering the bedroom. You can do this by having a pleasant conversation, engaging in a hobby together or feeding each other sweets before introducing any erotic touching. In other words, romance should play a key role in your sexual relationship.
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Joining your bodies in an embrace is a symbol of the feelings that you have for your partner. Try touching, rubbing and pressing your partner to make a total body connection. You should also embrace the four sexual areas of your partner's body, which includes the forehead, breasts, thighs and genitals.
Light biting can be a highly erotic foreplay technique. The Kama Sutra states that any part of the body that can be kissed -- such as the ear lobes or bottom lip -- can be bitten to create tension and improve sexual satisfaction. You can also use your teeth to remove your partner's clothing.
Aphrodisiacs
The use of aphrodisiacs to increase libido, potency and endurance was a well-known practice in ancient India. While some items, such as ram's testicles and monkey feces, may not sound particularly sexy, you can use common foods like honey, pumpkin seeds and ground black pepper to take your desire to new heights.
Positions of the Kama Sutra
While there are 64 different types of sex acts described in the Kama Sutra -- with varying degrees of difficulty -- you can begin slowly incorporating the most common positions into your lovemaking.
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Some positions are easily accessible to the novice. For example, the Yawning Position merely requires the woman to lie on her back and place her legs on the man's shoulders. Others may require more flexibility or strength to accomplish. With the Suspended Congress position, the man will stand with his back to the wall while lifting his partner's rear end. The woman, in turn, must hold onto the man's waist with her thighs and push her feet against the wall for additional support.
Keeping your romance and sex life hot is important for any relationship. Fortunately, the Kama Sutra has a number of tips to stimulate both you and your partner.
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