Sex and romance have been around since the dawn of time, so it is no surprise that our ancestors have written a number of guides on the subject. The Kama Sutra -- perhaps one of the best known books about love and lovemaking -- is an ancient Indian Hindu text that was written sometime between 400 BC and 200 AD. Don't let its age fool you; the Kama Sutra has plenty of tricks and techniques to spice up your modern-day relationship.
Origins of the Kama Sutra
Scholars believe that the Kama Sutra originated from oral stories that were originally passed down from generation to generation in verse form. Eventually, these stories were compiled by Vātsyāyana into a single book. The title comes from Kama, meaning sensual desire or pleasure, and Sutra, which is a short book or collection of verses.
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The Kama Sutra was first translated from ancient Sanskrit into English by Sir Richard Burton in the mid-1800s. This was the height of the Victorian age, so you can imagine the reaction it must have received in England during this time; in fact, Sir Burton's wife burned many of the translations following his death.
Today, there are a number of translations available for readers who are interested in learning more about this ancient practice. While you can purchase the complete book, there are several editions that are focused exclusively on the sexual positions from the original text, along with illustrations.
Myths Regarding the Kama Sutra
Perhaps the biggest myth regarding the Kama Sutra is that the work is entirely about sex and sexual positions; however, this is not the case. While sex does make up a portion of the text, many chapters are devoted to finding a wife, improving physical attraction, making money, and the priorities of life. Only 50 of the 1,250 verses from the Kama Sutra actually address sexual intercourse positions.
Another common myth in the Western World is that the Kama Sutra is a manual for tantric sex. While there are a number of sexual practices related to the tradition of Hindu Tantra, the Kama Sutra does not explain any of the sexual rites associated with this practice.
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Yet another myth is that you have to be a contortionist to enjoy the positions described in the Kama Sutra. This is certainly not the case. While some positions may be more advanced, there are a number of positions and practices, such as embraces, kissing, and marking with nails or bites, that any couple who wants to add some variety to their lovemaking may use.
Kama Sutra on Sexual Compatibility
The Kama Sutra divides men and women into several different categories, based on the size of their genitals, passion levels and endurance during lovemaking. When men and women have similar sizes and desires, theirs is considered to be an equal union; however, those who do not correspond will result in an unequal union.
When it comes to size, men are classified as hares, bulls or horses. Women, on the other hand, are categorized as deer, mares or elephants. The three equal unions based on size are:
|
Men |
Women |
|
Hare |
Deer |
|
Bull |
Mare |
|
Horse |
Elephant |
Sexual desires and carnal instincts also play a role in compatibility. A man who does not like being touched and has a low libido would be a poor match for a woman who feels intense passion while making love and enjoys being touched by her partner both during and after sex. In this case, the following categories are considered equal:
|
Men |
Women |
|
Small |
Small |
|
Middling |
Middling |
|
Intense |
Intense |
Endurance is classified as short-timed, moderate-timed and long-timed. As with the categories above, finding a partner who is your equal is important. All together, there are nine possible unions for partners according to the Kama Sutra.
Foreplay and the Kama Sutra
The goal of the Kama Sutra is to enhance the relationship between partners in order to increase pleasure. Try incorporating some of the Kama Sutra techniques into your foreplay to build up anticipation and drive your partner wild.
The Kama Sutra places a strong emphasis on showing your love for the other person before entering the bedroom. You can do this by having a pleasant conversation, engaging in a hobby together or feeding each other sweets before introducing any erotic touching. In other words, romance should play a key role in your sexual relationship.
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Joining your bodies in an embrace is a symbol of the feelings that you have for your partner. Try touching, rubbing and pressing your partner to make a total body connection. You should also embrace the four sexual areas of your partner's body, which includes the forehead, breasts, thighs and genitals.
Light biting can be a highly erotic foreplay technique. The Kama Sutra states that any part of the body that can be kissed -- such as the ear lobes or bottom lip -- can be bitten to create tension and improve sexual satisfaction. You can also use your teeth to remove your partner's clothing.
Aphrodisiacs
The use of aphrodisiacs to increase libido, potency and endurance was a well-known practice in ancient India. While some items, such as ram's testicles and monkey feces, may not sound particularly sexy, you can use common foods like honey, pumpkin seeds and ground black pepper to take your desire to new heights.
Positions of the Kama Sutra
While there are 64 different types of sex acts described in the Kama Sutra -- with varying degrees of difficulty -- you can begin slowly incorporating the most common positions into your lovemaking.
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Some positions are easily accessible to the novice. For example, the Yawning Position merely requires the woman to lie on her back and place her legs on the man's shoulders. Others may require more flexibility or strength to accomplish. With the Suspended Congress position, the man will stand with his back to the wall while lifting his partner's rear end. The woman, in turn, must hold onto the man's waist with her thighs and push her feet against the wall for additional support.
Keeping your romance and sex life hot is important for any relationship. Fortunately, the Kama Sutra has a number of tips to stimulate both you and your partner.
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You're seeing someone new, and while the chemistry is there, you're just not sure if your compatibility extends past the bedroom. Finding love is never easy, but there are some relationship red flags that can tell you if your new courtship is all sizzle with no substance or if you should give your new relationship a chance to grow.
Relationship Red Flag: All Your Friends Hate Him
It's completely understandable that your new love interest might not instantly bond with all of your friends. Maybe they don't share any common interests or perhaps you have a friend working through some jealousy issues; however if you've introduced your new guy to several different friends and they all think he's a jerk, there maybe something to that.
While you need to form your own opinion, your friends also might be seeing something in him that you are not. So if they start complaining about your guy, listen openly and honestly to what they have to say. If several different people are all picking up on some off-putting or rude behavior, it could be a real sign that something isn't right.
Relationship Red Flag: The Ex is Still Around
Being friends with an Ex isn't always a red flag, but it's important to look at the dynamics of the relationship. Occasionally hanging out with his Ex and a few other friends is usually pretty harmless, but if your new guy is constantly spending time with an old girlfriend, calling or receiving phone calls/text/emails every few days, or keeps pictures of her around his house, it may be a sign that his old girlfriend is still a pretty important part of his life.
At this point you need to determine if they are really just friends or still harboring emotions that will make your life miserable. If your boyfriend isn't ready to leave his old girlfriend behind, he might not be ready to start a new relationship with you.
Relationship Red Flag: You Catch Him Lying
Everyone stretches the truth a bit from time to time, especially when the truth might really hurt someone's feelings, but some lies can be a red flag that something bad is going on behind the scenes.
It's one thing to tell a little white lie about a new haircut looking great or that the homemade dinner was of restaurant quality, but if you start catching your boyfriend lying about where he's been, who he was with, or even what he was doing, it could be a sign that something shady has-or is about to-happen.
Consistently lying about small, seemingly inconsequential things establishes a pattern that can easily lead to lying about the big stuff. There's no reason why your new guy should lie to you about going bowling with his buddies, so if he told you he was eating dinner at his grandma's house instead, you should start thinking about an exit strategy.
Relationship Red Flag: He Never Invites You Over
Relationships involve two people, so it's natural to involve two households. If he only ever wants to hang out at your place and never invites you over to his, something's just not right.
Perhaps he still lives with his parents and he's embarrassed about it. Perhaps he's married or involved with someone else. Or perhaps he's just a giant slob whose apartment should be quarantined. No matter what the reason is, if he flat out refuses to bring you back to his place, you need to find out why.
You'll want to know a little more about his domestic habits before you get too involved and decide to move in together, and you'll definitely want to know if you're the other woman and he already has someone else waiting for him at home.
Relationship Red Flag: He's a Control Freak
It is one thing to like things a certain way, but if your new boyfriend thinks it's his way or the highway, then it's time to keep driving. You are your own person with your own life, goals, dreams, likes, and dislikes. The last thing you need is some guy thinking he knows how to run your life better than you do.
If your new boyfriend constantly tells you what clothes to wear, how to talk, how to act, and so on, he isn't respecting you or your choices. What seems controlling now could become increasingly more abusive as time goes on, so if he isn't okay with letting you make your own decisions, it's time to send him packing.
Relationship Red Flag: He's Only Got Eyes For You
While being adored by a new boyfriend can feel pretty wonderful, if you are the only thing in his life he cares about, it could mean that he doesn't have anything else going on.
Healthy relationships occur when two independent people with their own lives and interests meet and like each other enough to spend time together. If he doesn't have any friends, hates his job (or has no job), hates his apartment, his life, etc. he's probably not ready for a healthy relationship with anyone and he may become very clingy or prone to smothering you with too much attention.
It's important for both of you to feel some confidence in who you are and what you want in order to give and take in a relationship with another person. If you are the only positive thing in his life, what are you getting out of the relationship?
Dating is usually harder than many of us would like-or like to admit-but sometimes knowing what to watch out for and what to avoid can save us early-on from relationship disasters and dead-end dating. If you find that these relationship red flags sound all too familiar, it may be time to ditch your guy and head back to the dating pool.
They say opposites attract, but if you and your new beau are more like oil and water (or cats and dogs) than milk and cookies, it's time to honestly assess your new relationship. These red flags should give you enough advance warning to get out of a bad relationship before it goes too far.
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There was a time when you and your partner could've fried eggs on your bed sheets with all the heat and passion you generated in the bedroom. These days, you're lucky if you can pencil in a romantic rendezvous between your household chores, work obligations, and the warm glow of your TV.
If this about sums it up, don't feel bad. You are not alone in your relationship rut. Sexually speaking, it's not unusual for couples to peak, then plateau. But if you're looking to improve your sex life, the answer may be as simple as finding a few hot new places to have sex. It's amazing what a simple change of scenery can do to spice up your sex life.
Revving Up Your Sex Life After Having Kids
A lot of committed couples experience a slow-down-if not altogether halt-of their sex lives when a baby arrives. This is not uncommon, as babies (and kids) require a lot of work, and childcare can cause significant disruptions in sleeping patterns, not to mention impacting your alone time.
If your sex problems center on childrearing restrictions, such as feeling like you never have time for fun, creative sex, it's time to think about what you can do to shake things up a bit. Listed below are a few tips on recharging your sexual batteries:
- Start making time for sex. Even if you're tired or the chores seem to be piling up, remember that you probably won't ever regret the time you devote to being intimate with your mate.
- Get creative. Couples involved in long-term relationships can benefit from exploring different types of sexual play.
- Feeling bored? Bring staid sex out of the bedroom.
Your sexual slow-down might simply be due to a lack of sexual creativity. To know how to get out of a rut in the bedroom, couples need to scrap their routines and head for new scenery.
If your sex life has slowed down in recent weeks, months, or even years, consider where you and your partner tend to spend the most alone time together. If 99.9% of your sexual acts occur in the bedroom, it's no wonder that your life sex has waned. Even the hottest sex will tend to cool if it always happens in the same locale.
You may be amazed to find how simply changing the venue, and moving your intimate acts out of the bedroom, can lead to a more playful, invigorated sexual experience. This doesn't mean you have to transform from an under-the-sheets-with-the-lights-out kind of a gal into a wild dominatrix who has sex in the back of a crowded movie theater. Simply initiating a hot, unexpected make-out session on the living room couch or while you're making dinner might be enough to get you and your partner excited about having sex.
Setting the Mood
To get things started, you'll want to set the mood by planning a fun date night or simply setting aside a few hours for some quality alone time for you and your partner. While you may think about planning an elaborate date night, with dinner, flowers and a show, keep in mind that these candle-lit romantic evenings can sometimes feel a bit contrived and may place undo pressure on you and your mate to have a "perfect" night of sex and romance. This can lead to performance anxiety and put the brakes on recharging your sex life.
Your sexcapades shouldn't always start or end up in the bedroom. Take your creative date to a new level by daring your lover to do it outside of the bedroom. If the couch is predictable, move it to the dining room, kitchen, study, or other spare room. Heck, even a chair instead of the bed is a great way to start thinking about sex in a different way.
Your date night gift could be the power of suggestion. Wanna try it on the rug? How about the kitchen counter? Maybe you can start with a sensual shower for two and end in the living room. The key is to think outside of the bedroom, and look around your home for hot places to have sex.
If sex outside of the bedroom isn't cutting it to really recharge those batteries, it may be time to think about more creative places to have sex. The idea is to mix it up, reengage each other intimately, and keep sexual appetites peaked. One caveat: you'll need to be careful and discreet in your out-of-the-house sexual encounters. Be aware that sex in public is typically illegal and depending on Federal, state and local laws, if you get caught in flagrante, you may face a warning, fines, or more serious charges.
With that disclaimer out of the way, it's time to start thinking about hot places to have sex that are outside of the home.
Hot Places to Have Sex Outside of the Home
An unconventional date night idea could be to suggest to your partner that you both vow to find "the best place to have sex." Start off in the house, and move on to other venues. Think of this as a sexual field trip and the reward is an intimate bonding experience that will leave you both hot and bothered. Remember that sex isn't limited to intercourse. You don't have to "go all the way" to get the most out of these intimate encounters.
Listed below are a few hot places to have sex:
- The office - Who doesn't entertain the thought of a hot romp at the office? Just be sure it's somewhere without surveillance cameras or a roving security guard. Your best bet is a room with a door that locks (the copy room perhaps?), and tempting as it may be, forget the boss's office. If
- Hotel sex - Want to make this really hot? Arrange your hotel meet-up as if you were having an affair. Arrive separately, share a cocktail in the hotel bar and start the foreplay on the elevator ride back to the room.
- In the woods - Plan a nature hike or camping trip, and come prepared with a soft blanket and a sense of adventure. Watch out for bugs, poison ivy, and dangerous animals!
- In the backseat - Backseat make-out sessions aren't just for teens after prom. Park your car in a secluded locale, and let your mind-and hands-wander.
As hot as it sounds, joining the famed-and infamous-Mile High Club these days is a risky venture. Sky marshals and heightened security have rendered this virtually impossible for most couples. Unless you can charter a jet, you may have to settle for hot places to have sex that are on solid ground. That being said, don't overlook the appeal of getting intimate on a cruise or any type of boat. The sound and motion of the water can do a lot to get your senses piqued.
Likewise, you're never too old for a skinny dip. Find a private lake, pool or secluded pond, ditch your clothes and have fun together.
The key to having sex outside of the bedroom is to be creative and have a sense of adventure. And remember that sexual intimacy isn't limited to intercourse. Anything you do that brings you and your partner closer together while outside of the bedroom is sure to help generate heat between the sheets.
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